You think I'm a loser? Because I have a stinking job that I hate, a family that doesn't respect me, and a whole city that curses the day I was born? Well, that may mean loser to you, but let me tell you something. Every day when I wake up in the morning, I know it's not going to get any better until I go back to sleep. So I get up. I have my watered-down Tang and my still-frozen Pop Tart. I get in my car with no gas, no upholstery and six more payments. I fight honking traffic just for the privilege of putting cheap shoes onto the cloven hooves of people like you. I'll never play football like I wanted to. I'll never know the touch of a beautiful woman. And I'll never know the joy of driving without a bag over my head. But I'm not a loser. Because, despite it all, me and every other guy who'll never be what they wanted to be, is out there, being what we don't want to be, forty hours a week, for life. And the fact that I didn't put a gun in my mouth, you pudding of a woman, makes me a winner!
“He Thought He Could” · Season 3, Episode 1
In this episode: Al Bundy (3), Steve Rhoades (1)
[Al tries to bribe Miss DeGroot with a doughnut.]
Could it be that you don't have the $2000? Could it be that I was correct when I made an educated guess that you would fail in life?
Could it be that the nails that hold your chair together are from the planet Krypton?
(flashback to Al as a child walking up to Miss DeGroot's desk to check out his books)
Ah, young Mr. Bundy...the devil boy. You'd like to check these out, would you? Well, I'm afraid you can't. You know why?
Because I didn't bring you French fries like the other boys do?
(Steve and Al are carrying a heavy box)
Okay. We've cleaned out your garage, your backyard, and your attic. So tomorrow you're gonna help me clean out our garage, right Al?
One second...(he puts the box on the table) No.
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