If only I knew someone who could help me with the Bible.
(as Dr. Canaan) I know so much about it, it's almost as if I was there.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
That was incredible. It was musical, poetic, really. We were like fish and chips, salt and pepper. Hipsters and condescension.
I need your help like I need a third boob.
Hmm.
Wait. Don't say a word. 'knew it was a mistake the minute it came out of my mouth.
[at an illicit auction of allegedly holy artifacts, Lucifer and Amenadiel examine the goods]
Paul's wrists were too thick to fit in those chains.
I know. That man never could pass on dessert, could he?
He should have been the saint of…
LALucifer and Amenadiel
Honey cakes!
[the brothers laugh together, then awkwardly stop]
Remember the Palmetto case I was telling you about?
The case that's been consuming you, causing people to despise you, call you names--I even quarreled on occasion because of it? No, doesn't ring a bell.
You're not busy, are you?
Actually, shocker, I am busy. And it's really not a good day for…your…"Lucifer-ness."
Now, I'm not one to get into the feels, usually, but…you seem genuinely distressed. You okay? Do you want to—I don't know—chat about it or something? Sex is always on the table.
You sure you don't want to chase after her? Maybe I can ask Father for some rain and make it a moment.
We brought you a birthday gift.
Is that the royal "we"?
Whiskey with a pickle juice chaser. It's our station's birthday tradition.
Lovely! How can I refuse? Can I refuse?
Of course you can. and we'll always think less of you.
You're supposed to be on my side, you know.
No. I'm supposed to help you process your emotions so that you can deal with them constructively.
Yes, by being on my side and realizing that I'm right.
What's bothering you right now?
Well... right now I'm experiencing a very odd feeling. It's--it's like a fat man sitting on my chest. But not in a fun way.
You. You're really in therapy?
Why is that so surprising?
You're the least reflective person I know.
I have layers. I'm like an onion. An irresistible one.
You don't save a marriage by sleeping with other people.
It can't hurt to try.
Pretty sure it can.
[Father Frank enters Lux and approaches Lucifer]
A priest walks into a bar? I've heard this one before, never seen it, though.
Have you ever considered that all of this excessive partying may be your attempt to fill a void?
"Attempt"? I filled five voids last night.
That's not what I meant.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Lucifer pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.