Sawyer Ford quotes from Lost

Sun

Charlie told me it was your idea to kidnap me.

Sawyer

You're gonna tell Jin?

Sun

No.

Sawyer

Why not?

Sun

Because then we have to dig another grave.

Sawyer

Why are you giving me these?

Sun

Because they are worthless here.

Sawyer

See. And I thought I was gonna get out of this....

Sawyer

All right, let's do it.

Hurley

Do what?

Sawyer

I'm ready to do it. Make amends, change the vote. I don't want to be banished, okay?

Hurley

Dude, you stink. What is that, fish? Did you try to gut one yourself? How did you not learn that by now? I mean, we've been here like, three months.

Sawyer

Could we just do this?

Hurley

Do what?

Sawyer

Make nice.

Hurley

Apologize for calling me all those names.

Sawyer

I'm really sorry I called you rotund.

Hurley

Really?

Sawyer

You're worse than a girl!

Sawyer

You son of a bitch. There wasn't ever going to be no vote.

Hurley

Wasn't it nice, being nice?

Sawyer

You tricked me into being decent? That's gotta be the lamest con in the history of cons!

Hurley

Wasn't a con, dude. If you're going to be our temporary leader you need to do some damage control.

Sawyer

Leader? What the hell are you smoking?

Hurley

Jack's gone, Locke's gone, Kate and Sayid...you're all we got. Paulo and Nikki died. We all look to you. Then again, you tried to steal their diamonds, but we wanted to look to you. Look around. You made everyone happy. Just for today, they can eat boar, laugh, and forget that they're totally screwed. And you did that for 'em, dude. You.

Sawyer

What if I don't want to be the leader?

Hurley

Yeah, well, I don't think Jack wanted it either. Sucks for you, dude.

Sawyer

What the hell are y'all doing?

Hurley

What the hell are you doing?

Sawyer

Goin' to take a leak.

Hurley

...Yeah well, so were we.

Sawyer

...Well, alrighty then.

Cooper

Guess I didn't raise no dummies.

Sawyer

The hell's that mean?

Cooper

It means that bald headed bastard outside the door is my son.

Sawyer

Come again?

Cooper

My son. As in I'm his father. You do speak English?

Sawyer

How did you get here, to the Island?

Cooper

Island? OK. I'm driving down I10 through Tallahassee when bam, somebody slams into the back of my car. I go right into the divider at seventy miles an hour, the next thing I know, the paramedics are strapping me to a gurney, stuffing me into the back of an ambulance and one of them actually smiles at me as he pops the IV in my arm. And then, nothing. Just, black. And the next thing I know I wake up in a dark room tied up, gag in my mouth, and when the door opens, I'm looking up at the same man I threw out a window, John Locke. My dead son.

Sawyer

And he's dead cause you threw him out a window?

Cooper

No he survived that. But it paralysed him, permanently. He's dead because the plane he was flying on crashed in the Pacific.

Sawyer

Well I got bad news for ya pops, cause I was on that plane with your son. He sure as hell wasn't crippled. And we didn't crash in the Pacific, we crashed here on this Island.

Cooper

You sure its an Island?

Sawyer

Well what else is it?

Cooper

Little hot for heaven isn't it?

Sawyer

[Sarcastically] Oh OK, so we're dead?

Cooper

They found your plane on the bottom of the ocean. One minute I'm in a car wreck and the next minute I'm in a pirate ship in the middle of the jungle. If this isn't hell friend, then where are we?

Sawyer

Why did you throw Locke out a window?

Cooper

He was becoming a nuisance. I conned him into giving me one of his kidneys. He never got over it.

Sawyer

[Pauses] Conned?

Cooper

Yes sir, conned.

Sawyer

What's your name?

Cooper

Hmm?

Sawyer

Your name.

Cooper

A conman goes by many names friend. I've been Alan Seward, Anthony Cooper, Ted MacLaren, Tom Sawyer, Louis Jackson, and Paul...

Sawyer

Tom Sawyer.

Cooper

I was young and Huck Finn was taken. And the ladies loved that one. Made me charming.

Sawyer

Well how about that.

Cooper

How about what?

Sawyer

Sawyer's my name too

Cooper

What's the matter with you?

Sawyer

You ever been to Jasper, Alabama?

Cooper

Why?

Sawyer

Have you or haven't you?

Cooper

Yeah I been to Jasper. Don't tell me I'm your daddy?

Sawyer

No. You killed my daddy.

Sawyer

Read it.

Cooper

“Dear Mr Sawyer”. What is this?

Sawyer

Just read it.

Cooper

“You don't know who I am, but I know who you are. And I know what you done. You had sex with my mother, and then you stole my dad's money all away, so he got angry and he killed my mother, and then he killed himself” blah blah blah blah. So what? Is this supposed to be you, you wrote this letter? Hey wait a second. Did you take my name because you were on some kind of revenge kick?

Sawyer

Keep reading.

Cooper

Easy, easy, don't get all worked up. Look, I ran that con two dozen times. If your mother was one of the...

Sawyer

Mary. Her name was Mary.

Cooper

Mary from Jasper, Alabama. Yeah, I remember her. She practically begged me to take her thirty-eight thousand dollars and to rescue her from her sorry little life.

Sawyer

You finish the letter.

Cooper

Look, I only took her money. It ain't my fault your dad overreacted. If he pulled the old murder suicide then I'm sure he's down here somewhere. Er, maybe you could take this up with him...

Sawyer

FINISH IT!!!

Cooper

OK. OK.

Sawyer

What the hell are you doing here, Karl?

They're... coming... my people...

Sawyer

Sorry you came all this way for nothing, but we already know.

Then why are you still here?

Sawyer

'Cause when your people show up here tomorrow night, we're going to be ready for 'em.

Tomorrow? No. No, they're coming tonight. They're coming right now!

Jack

Sawyer, it's a suicide mission without guns.

Juliet

I know where there are some guns. Ethan left a stash near the beach.

Jack

Juliet, you don't have to do that.

Juliet

Yeah, Jack, I kinda do.

Sawyer

Let's do this.

Jack

Don't do anything stupid.

Juliet

I won't if you won't.

Kate

What are you doing?

Sawyer

Same thing I've always done Kate: surviving.

Locke

Let's go.

Sawyer

Why are you going East? Thought you said the Barracks were due South.

Locke

Because, James, we have to make a little detour first.

Sawyer

Detour to what?

Locke

There's a cabin I have to go to.

Hurley

I think the cabin was back that way.

Locke

What did you say Hugo?

Hurley

I er, thought you were talking about the airplane cabin.

Sawyer

Why are we wasting our time going to some shack anyway?

Locke

Because we're supposed to.

Sawyer

Right. Like you were supposed to throw a knife into that Naomi chick's back.

Locke

Ahuh.

Sawyer

You mind telling us who you're getting your orders from, Colonel Kurtz?

Locke

I got em from Walt.

Sawyer

What the hell do you mean you saw Walt? In a dream?

Locke

No dream, it was Walt. Only, taller.

Sawyer

Taller? What like a giant? OK, what exactly did Walt tell you?

Locke

He said I had work to do. That I had to stop this woman, Naomi, from bringing the rest of her people here.

Sawyer

What you didn't ask any follow-up questions?

Locke

Ben had shot me and left me for dead, Walt saved my life, so I pretty much took him at his word.

Sawyer

He shot you? Yet here you are fit as a fiddle tromping through the jungle.

Sawyer

(to Ben): You ready to give us the name, Gizmo?

Locke

He's not going to tell you who his spy is on their boat, James.

Sawyer

Yeah, why not?

Locke

Because that's the only thing keeping him alive.

Sawyer

Well here's an idea: why don't we take a gun, point it to his big toe and send that little piggy to the market.[Ben looks slightly amused.]

Sawyer

(continues) And if he still doesn't want to tell us, move on to the roast beef. Why don't we do that?

Locke

Because then we'd have to carry him.

Hurley

We're all gonna die.

Sawyer

Calm down, Chicken Little. Sky ain't falling just yet.

Hurley

This is exactly what he wants. To fight amongst ourselves. You're making a big mistake, dude.

Locke

It's his to make, Hugo. Let's get on with it.

Sawyer

Right. [pauses] I'm attacking Siberia. [The camera zooms out revealing that they are playing Risk. Sawyer and Hurley roll the dice, and Sawyer wins.] Sorry.

Hurley

Can't believe you're just giving him Australia. Australia's the key to the whole game.

Sawyer

Says you.

Sawyer

First things first. Give me your shirt.

Daniel

My shirt?

Sawyer

Yeah.

Daniel

I really think we have far more pressing matters then me giving you a shirt. How about we just keep moving, okay?

Sawyer

How about we call a time out so you can tell us what the hell's going on?

Daniel

How about you trust me?

Sawyer

Trust you? I don't even know you!

Daniel

We really do not have time for me to try to explain. You have no idea how difficult that would be for me to try to explain this-this phenomenon to a quantum physicist. That would be difficult. So for me to try to explain whatevers happened-

Charlotte

Oy! What the bloody hell do you think you're doing?

Sawyer

Shut it, ginger, or you're getting one too. Now talk.

Daniel

This island... Think of the island like a record spinning on a turntable. Only now, that record is skipping. Whatever Ben Linus did down at the Orchard station... I think it may have... dislodged us.

Miles

Dislodged us from what?

Daniel

... Time.