Sawyer Ford quotes from Lost

Locke

[trying to get Sawyer to give them the guns] Where are they, James?

Sawyer

You too, Brutus?

Kate

I'm curious about something.

Sawyer

Yeah, what's that?

Kate

How did Ana-Lucia get your gun?

Sawyer

I don't know, she must have lifted it off me.

Kate

She pick-pocketed your gun? How'd she do that?

Sawyer

Well, if I knew how she did it, she wouldn't be able to do it, now would she?

Sawyer

So what happened out there in the jungle?

Jack

Exactly what he said happened. He found a camp-

Sawyer

I ain't talking about Mike. You and Freckles. Before you found him, you all were gone all night.

Jack

We were caught in a net.

Sawyer

What the hell is that supposed to mean?

Jack

It means we got caught in a net.

Sawyer

Is that what they're calling it these days?

Sawyer

Who's gonna talk?

Jack

What?

Sawyer

The funeral. Who's gonna talk?

Jack

I'm sure Hurley'll wanna say something about Libby.

Sawyer

I never even knew her last name. Ana-Lucia.

Jack

It's Cortez.

Sawyer

Cortez. Well there you go. [silent pause] I screwed her.

Jack

What?

Sawyer

That's how she got my gun. Ana, she jumped me. We "got caught in a net."

Jack

Why're you telling me this, Sawyer?

Sawyer

Cause you're about the closest thing I've got to a friend, Doc. And cause she's gone- Well at least now we get to kill somebody.

Hurley

Did that bird just say my name?

Sawyer

Yeah it did, right before it crapped gold.

Sawyer

When the Doc told me you all got caught in a net, I thought he meant, er- something else.

Kate

Since when did you and Jack start talking about me?

Tom

Hey, you got yourself a fish biscuit! How'd you do that?

Sawyer

Figured out your complicated gizmos, thats how.

Tom

It only took the bears two hours.

Sawyer

How many of 'em were there?

Pickett

Alright, here's the jig - see these rocks, here? That's where you two come in. [points to Kate] You're going to chop them loose. [points to Sawyer] And you're going to haul them out of here.

Kate

You expect me to work in this dress?

Pickett

Well, it's up to you? You can take it off if you want.

Sawyer

[to Pickett, unconvincingly] How dare you?

Pickett

If you need anything, you raise your hand. You get 10 minutes for lunch.

Sawyer

I got a question, boss.

Pickett

No questions.

Sawyer

Are you having fun yet, Freckles?

Kate

Quit staring at my ass.

Sawyer

Give me something else to stare at.

Kate

Why did she call you James?

Sawyer

[sighs] 'Cus that's my name. Noticed somethin' else, too.

Sawyer

You taste like strawberries.

Kate

You taste like fish biscuits.

Ben

A guy goes nuts if he ain't got nobody. It don't make no difference who the guy is, as long as he's with ya. I tell ya, I tell ya a guy gets too lonely and he gets sick.

Sawyer

What the hell are you talking about?

Ben

It's from Of Mice and Men. Don't you read?

Sawyer

Hey, Oliver Twist! Where the hell is my stuff?

Charlie

What stuff?

Sawyer

You know good and damn well what stuff. I had books, food, porno, bottle of scotch...

Desmond

Apologies for the scotch, mate.

Hurley

Dude, that beer's been sitting there since before Rocky 3. Maybe even 2. It's probably poisoned by now.

Sawyer

[Indicates Roger's corpse] Skeletor seems to like it.

Sawyer

I'm sorry.

Jin

I'm sorry.

Sawyer

Okay, nice. Keep it coming.

Jin

Uh, you were right.

Sawyer

Okay. That's two. Hit me.

Jin

Those pants don't make you look fat.

Sawyer

Now you got it. Only three things a woman needs to hear.

Sawyer

What's your problem, Jumbotron?

Hurley

Shut up... Red... Neck... Man!

Sawyer

[amused] Touché.