Time to liven things up a bit. Hard to keep your stories straight when you're pissed. You ask my missus.
I'm not sure that's ethical.
It's not. It's vodka.
S1 E5The Footie
TCTest Card Girl
Why did you promise him, Sam? Daddies always let you down, don't they?
Juries love all that. Makes 'em feel like Columbo.
[To Peter Bond, a football fan who has beat Colin Clay, a fellow supporter, to death in order to provoke a riot between opposing supporters]
You know nothing about football! [Punches Bond, winding him] I used to go to football with my dad. United and City fans used to walk to the match together. Our next door neighbour, he had a City flag up in his window. Kids used to play together in the street - red and blue. But then people like you came along and you took it away from us.
PBPeter Bond
A good punch up's all part of the game! It's about pride. Pride in your team. Being the best!
No it isn't! This is how it starts and then it escalates. It gets on the telly and in the press, and then other fans from other clubs start trying to out do each other. And then it becomes about hate! And then it's nothing to do with football any more! It's about gangs and scumbags like you roaming the country seeing who can cause the most trouble. And then we overreact, and we have to put up perimeter fences and we treat the fans like animals! Forty, fifty thousand people herded into pens! And then how long before something happens, eh? How long before something terrible happens and we are dragging bodies out?
[Snatching Bond's ticket for the match away from him]
PBPeter Bond
That's mine!
This doesn't belong to you. This belongs to decent people, who work hard all week and take their kids to the match on a Saturday! People like Colin Clay!
[After the case has been resolved, proving both Gene and Sam equally correct about the crime]
I'm ready anytime.
[Bewildered] For what?
An apology. Was this or was this not about football?
Was the killer drinking with him in the Trafford Arms?
Don't make excuses; I'm right, you're wrong, admit it. Was this about football?
Not in the way you thought.
Still about football!
The only reason we caught him was because I persuaded you to go undercover! All you were doing before that was dragging hooligans in!
Still about football!
[Frustrated] You just will not be proved wrong, will you?! You know, that's very childish!
No it is not.
[Childishly] Is!
[Equally childishly] Isn't!
[Ray walks into shot, wearing a Manchester United scarf and freezes once he sees Sam and Gene]
I thought he had flu?
Sergeant!
[Ray makes a run for it]
[chasing] Come back 'ere you skiving little git!
If this was about football, he would have had serious injuries.
He's dead! That's quite serious.
S1 E6The Deadline
We need to start a dialog with the hostage taker.
We need the hostage taker in handcuffs or dead on the floor
We need an inner cordon as well as this one. Think of it as two circles, one inside the other. The area in the centre is out of limits to everybody but us.
Fair enough.
Call it the doughnut.
Jam or custard?
Now you're just being silly.
I'm not the one calling it a doughnut
HBHugo Barton
[runs towards the team] Excuse me!
Excuse me sir, can you go back behind the cordon, please.
HBHugo Barton
Hugo Barton. I'm a reporter from the Gazette.
Oh, terrific. [shouts at the hostage taker] Oi! We've got another one for you!
Guv.
HBHugo Barton
He walked in about 40 minutes ago; he was just ahead of me. He pulled a gun; he means business.
Y'know, I'd listen to the snot in my hankie before I'd listen to you.
I'M ALIVE!
His only way of talking to the outside world will be through-
Us
Me. I'm the negotiator.
I'll make you a hat.
I reckon we can take him, I'll jump on him, you take his gun and Cartwright can jump up and down on his knackers.
Always trust the Gene Genie!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Life on Mars pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.