Life on Mars quotes

179 total quotes

All Seasons
 Season 1   Season 2  

[To a murder suspect, regarding an entry in his diary]
Sam Tyler: From the diary, quote, "I killed her. She's been killed. I'm a killer, an ace killer." That particular entry is not awash with ambiguity.

Chris Skelton: Someone needs to take a look at you boss, you're as white as a ginger bird's arse!

[After Sam, disorientated and confused by his new surroundings, has challenged Gene's authority]
Gene Hunt: They reckon you've got concussion - I couldn't give a tart's furry cup if half your brains are falling out. Don't ever waltz into my kingdom acting king of the jungle.
Sam Tyler: Who the hell are you?
Gene Hunt: Gene Hunt. Your DCI. And it's 1973. Nearly dinner time. I'm 'aving 'oops.

[Trying to call a mobile phone number]
Sam Tyler: I need you to connect me to a Virgin number -
Operator: Don't you start that sexy business with me, young man. I can trace this call.

[Annie complies with Sam's request to hit him by punching him in the kidneys - when he wasn't expecting it]
Sam Tyler: Ow! Shit!
Annie Cartwright: I'm sorry, sir!
[Gene enters, seeing the two bent over]
Gene Hunt: Hey hey, good girl, prostate probe and no jelly!

Gene Hunt: [To Sam] Where are you today, then? Here, or Planet of the Clangers?

[Open University is on TV, presenter's geometry-exercising turns into medical diagnostics from 2006.]
Sam: [alerted and denying he'd be in a deep coma] Wait! I'm in BUPA! Get me out of here!

Gene Hunt: Right, we pulled a bird in, Dora Keanes. She was the last person to see the victim alive.
Sam Tyler: Is she a suspect?
Gene Hunt: Nope, just a pain in the arse.
Sam Tyler: Okay, alright, brief me in full. What do I need to know?
Gene Hunt: [confused] She's a pain in the arse!
[They arrive outside the lost property office]
Sam Tyler: What, so you've handed her into lost property?
Chris Skelton: Well, we could use the canteen, but she's a right mouthy bird, this one.
Sam Tyler: Hang on, you're going to do the interview in there?
Gene Hunt: Thick walls.

[Gene Hunt violently pushes a table aside]
Gene Hunt: I'm done with this game. Let's play another. Let's play, eh, hopscotch or pin the tail on a donkey. You pick, Dora.
Dora Keens: I want a lawyer.
Gene Hunt: I wanna hump Britt Eklund, what are we gonna do?

Sam Tyler: I need a drink.
Gene Hunt: That's the first sensible thing you've said since you got here.

Sam Tyler: [To Nelson] And which part of my subconcious do you hail from?

Gene Hunt: I may be a sheriff, but I'm a deputy to the law.

Nelson: What can I get you, man, raise your spirits?
Sam Tyler: Diet Coke, please.
[Nelson looks blank]
Sam Tyler: Just kidding, a pint of bitter.

Sam Tyler: Large whiskey please.
Nelson: [With heavy Jamaican accent] Drink ain't gonna fix things. What am I saying? I run a pub. Of course it will fix things!
Sam Tyler: I'm lost, Nelson. I'm really lost.
Nelson: [Suddenly switching to a Mancunian accent] You ain't lost, pal. You're where you are, and you have to make the best of it. It's all you can do.
[Sam looks surprised]
Nelson: Keep it to yourself, eh? Folks just seem happier with the other Nelson.

[Sam has asked Annie to contribute to the investigation - much to the jeers of the other male detectives]
Sam Tyler: Now the victim wasn't gagged. Why didn't he gag her, Annie?
Annie Cartwright: Because he needed to, er, he needed to see her mouth, her lips. We have to see the things that we value.
Sam Tyler: Now put yourselves in the mind of this man. You're lonely. Every night you dream of this girl, and she's got big eyes and red ruby lips. So you go out and you find that girl, and you bring her home. But you don't gag her, cos you want to see those ruby lips, but you just can't bring yourself to kiss 'em.
Annie Cartwright: He'd get embarrassed, angry, he'd start to blame the girl. It's her fault, she's taunting him by just being there.
Sam Tyler: And then one day you just snap. Strangle her, using bootlace, and the cycle starts all over again with a different girl. And this time, you're positive that you're going to be brave enough to kiss her.
Annie Cartwright: Only you won't be.