Gene Hunt quotes from Life on Mars

Gene Hunt

I'm ready anytime.

Sam Tyler

[Bewildered] For what?

Gene Hunt

An apology. Was this or was this not about football?

Sam Tyler

Was the killer drinking with him in the Trafford Arms?

Gene Hunt

Don't make excuses; I'm right, you're wrong, admit it. Was this about football?

Sam Tyler

Not in the way you thought.

Gene Hunt

Still about football!

Sam Tyler

The only reason we caught him was because I persuaded you to go undercover! All you were doing before that was dragging hooligans in!

Gene Hunt

Still about football!

Sam Tyler

[Frustrated] You just will not be proved wrong, will you?! You know, that's very childish!

Gene Hunt

No it is not.

Sam Tyler

[Childishly] Is!

Gene Hunt

[Equally childishly] Isn't!

Sam Tyler

I thought he had flu?

Gene Hunt

Sergeant!

Gene Hunt

[chasing] Come back 'ere you skiving little git!

Sam Tyler

If this was about football, he would have had serious injuries.

Gene Hunt

He's dead! That's quite serious.

Sam Tyler

We need to start a dialog with the hostage taker.

Gene Hunt

We need the hostage taker in handcuffs or dead on the floor

Sam Tyler

We need an inner cordon as well as this one. Think of it as two circles, one inside the other. The area in the centre is out of limits to everybody but us.

Gene Hunt

Fair enough.

Sam Tyler

Call it the doughnut.

Gene Hunt

Jam or custard?

Sam Tyler

Now you're just being silly.

Gene Hunt

I'm not the one calling it a doughnut

[runs towards the team] Excuse me!

Sam Tyler

Excuse me sir, can you go back behind the cordon, please.

Hugo Barton. I'm a reporter from the Gazette.

Gene Hunt

Oh, terrific. [shouts at the hostage taker] Oi! We've got another one for you!

Sam Tyler

Guv.

He walked in about 40 minutes ago; he was just ahead of me. He pulled a gun; he means business.

Gene Hunt

Y'know, I'd listen to the snot in my hankie before I'd listen to you.

Sam Tyler

His only way of talking to the outside world will be through-

Gene Hunt

Us

Sam Tyler

Me. I'm the negotiator.

Gene Hunt

I'll make you a hat.

Oh, bollocks.

Gene Hunt

My thoughts exactly. [knees Kemble in aforementioned spot]

Sam Tyler

If we can't police ourselves, how are the public supposed to trust us?

Gene Hunt

The public don't give a damn what we do, as long as we get results.

Sam Tyler

You're wrong.

Gene Hunt

Detective Sergeant Ray Carling, you are hereby stripped of your rank and demoted to Detective Constable. From now on, your main responsibilities will be maintenance of CID stationery cupboard. You will account for every pen, pencil and paper clip in this office.

Ray Carling

Oh, come on, guv...

Gene Hunt

You will only participate in other investigations at my discretion. Half your wages for the next twelve months, including any overtime, will be deducted by me and given directly to the Police Benevolent Fund. You are also barred from the Railway Arms until I decide otherwise. You so much as belch out of line and I'll have your scrotum on a barbed-wire plate.

Gene Hunt

I think you've forgotten who you're talking to.

Sam Tyler

An overweight, over-the-hill, nicotine-stained, borderline-alcoholic homophobe with a superiority complex and an unhealthy obsession with male bonding?

Gene Hunt

You make that sound like a bad thing.

I've got a young lad named Sam.

Gene Hunt

I've got a pain in the arse called Sam!

Ray Carling

So, what do you want to do now, Guv?

Gene Hunt

[thinks for a moment] Pub!

Ray Carling

[smirks] Pub.

Chris Skelton

[grins] Pub.

Sam Tyler

[looks at the other three men in turn, slowly smiles] Pub.

Sam Tyler

We pull him in, we put the squeeze on him. Why is that so hard for you to agree to?

Gene Hunt

Because I am policing in the full glare of the public bloody eye, and the Chief Super is taking a personal interest and we also have no flipping evidence! And I can't believe I just said that!

Gene Hunt

We need to nail this fast.

Sam Tyler

So, we preserve the scene. We dust for prints

Gene

[Interrupting] You've seen it out there, Sam. People are scared. Pull in someone from the "we don't like you" list. We put their prints on the hammer, charge 'em, whip it past the beak. There's loads of scum out there deserve another spell inside. It'll buy us more time.

Sam Tyler

Look Guv, you wanna wear the Sheriff's badge? Well it comes with responsibilities; thorough, and by-the-book!

Gene Hunt

Cobblers! The public don't care what we do, just that we get the job done!

Chris Skelton

Too right, you don't want a mirror at the dentist do you?