Eliot quotes from Leverage

Sophie

When men are telling the truth, they're not looking me in the eye. A man only ever looks a woman in the eye when he's making the effort to lie to her.

Eliot

Well, you can't argue with that.

Noted and filed.

Eliot

There it is. It’s 541.

Hold up Rambo. So, no lasers, no motion detectors, no vibration sensors, no--whoops.

Whoops? What whoops?

There’s a webcam, I’m picking up its broadcast on my phone.

Parker

Oh, I see it. Up on that pole.

I just have to spoof the IP address and overlay a digital duplicate over the WiFi…

Or that.

Eliot

Let’s go, come on.

I’m sorry it was too far away for you to punch, I’m sure that really frustrates you.

Sophie

I don’t know, what is it, two, three hundred million in US currency? What’s it doing in Iraq?

We sent it there.

Eliot

What?

Beginning of the Iraq War, my old company helped insure the largest currency transfer in history. Billions and billions in ones, fives and twenties, all cash. Sent to Iraq for reconstruction.

Eliot

Bribes.

As needed. Nine billion went missing.

Sophie

Wait, billion? With a ‘b’? Nine billion dollars of US taxpayer money just disappeared.

Dr. Laroque

Is this stolen?

Sophie

Not anymore.

Dr. Laroque

What are we supposed to do with it?

Sophie

Pay for Corporal Perry’s rehab.

And some other guys’ rehabs.

Parker

Pretty much whatever you want.

Doc, a cute blonde shows up with a couple million dollars, I say we take the win. Thank you.

Eliot

Corporal, Thank you. Thank you.

Dr. Laroque

The world doesn't work this way.

So change the world.

Anybody who wants to walk away can do it right now.

Eliot

One more.

Maybe two.

Parker

I bought a plant.

Nice. Team spirit.

Parker

What does it do?

Eliot

I can’t believe you gave all your money away. You didn’t buy yourself anything.

Oh, I bought a car.

Probably a station wagon.

An electric car.

Eliot

Of course.

Sophie

How sweet. Do you have to wind it up?

Uh, just trying to be responsible.

Responsible? You know it sucks being the good guys, right?

You haven’t figured it out yet, have you? Just cause you’re the good guys now, doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun along the way!

Parker

Woo hoo.

Sophie

Oh boy, midlife crisis.

Eliot

Absolutely.

Definitely midlife.

Parker

Totally midlife crisis.

Aimee

You called him?

We need him.

Aimee

Yeah, no, we don't.

Eliot

I forgot how much I like these Southern welcomes.

Aimee

Eight years, no phone calls, no letters, you don't earn a homecoming parade.

Eliot

How's your husband, Aimee?

Aimee

Gone. Seems I have a weakness for men with one foot out the door.

So when you said you knew the family, you meant you...knew the family, huh? Please tell me you weren't engaged to her.

Eliot

No. M-may have given her a promise ring, or...

A what?

Eliot

So that…

No, never mind. Well, there's no way we're gonna do this if I have to worry about you being stupid because you're too involved with...

Eliot

I'm not involved. I'm--I want to help Willie. Did you hear the guy's story? Scout's honor.

Wrong hand.

Aimee

Anything else so you need so you can wrap this up and go back to being a somewhat disappointing memory?

Eliot

I thought you said you were fine with this.

Aimee

I thought you said you were coming back in three weeks.

Oh, boy, this is perfect.

Aimee

Right, but you convinced my dad that things were gonna be okay. Things have only gotten worse. Now, I-I appreciate you trying to help, but if you don't know what you're doing, just walk away. At least I know you're good at that.

Eliot

Can't let it go, can you? Can't let it be the past.

Aimee

No, I was fine until the long-lost hero came back into town.

Eliot

Your dad called me.

Aimee

You could have said no.

Eliot

When did I become the bad guy, huh? You-I-I left because you got married.

Aimee

Oh, yeah, and the first 15 times you left?

Eliot

I came back, all right? You're the one that moved on. So I don't even know why--

Aimee

No phone calls, no letters -- nothing! Eliot, what kind of a person does that? What -- what reasonable justification could you have for just dropping off the planet, huh?

Eliot

I was working.

Aimee

Not good enough.

Eliot

Go ahead. I know you're itching to say something.

Sophie

I like Aimee. I do. I mean it. I like you both. I just--you know, I don't know what comes of chasing the past, you know, Eliot?

Eliot

Yeah, well, Sophie, sweetie, I don't think you and Nate get to serve me that particular meal.

Sophie

Ouch.

We need a horse that can run like a champion.

What about that horse from the other day? Uh, Kentucky Fried Chicken.

Eliot

Kentucky Thunder.

That's what I said.

Oh, we steal an actual championship racehorse in order to fake another championship racehorse.

Yeah.

Ooh, I like it.

Parker

[Crawling through an air duct] Looks like Parker's gonna have to crawl through the air duct again. God forbid anyone else would have to learn how to frickin' crawl on their stomach through a tiny space. It's not rocket science, people.

Eliot

[on comms, from the truck] Parker, you realize that we can still hear you?

Aimee

So...I was wrong.

Eliot

I don't think I've ever heard you say that before. Wrong about what exactly?

Aimee

You're never gonna be the kind to settle down, but, uh, I'm glad you found a family.

Eliot

Th--those guys?

Aimee

I'm just sorry it couldn't be me.

Eliot

Hey. Sophie's here. What do I tell her?

Anything but the truth.

Sophie

Hey.

Eliot

Hey.

Sophie

Thank you so much for coming to my play last night.

Eliot

Oh.

Parker

Last night was awesome.

Sophie

Thanks, Parker.

Parker

Yeah, it was like a horror movie. Attention must be paaiidd.