Olivia Benson quotes from Law & Order: Special Victims Unit

Benson

[reads] "There's a tiny catfish feared more than the piranha. It's called a-"

Candiru.

Stabler

Say what?

This is beautiful. Tell him.

Benson

"It will swim right into a man's penis and lodge itself there by erecting sharp spines-" Ow.

Stabler

[adjusts his seat] "Erecting sharp spines." There's a fish with a sense of irony.

Benson

She was molested, you know that. That cold facade of hers?

Stabler

Maybe it's just living in Colorado.

Benson

She dresses more Fifth Avenue than Rocky Mountain.

Stabler

I'm...having a fashion police blackout.

Stabler

I'd never let my daughters go out dressed like that.

Benson

Yeah, right. Just wait.

Stabler

What does that mean?

Benson

Virginia, Detectives Munch and Cassidy are going to take you home.

[to Munch] Can I drive?

Munch

Since you're probably as old as my partner, I don't see why not.

Stabler

What do you think we're looking for, a rock, a brick, maybe?

Who's going to look for that?

Me?

Benson

Yes.

Benson

Blood alcohol level was .27.

Wow. Triple the limit. There was a time I yearned for a girl who could drink like that.

Stabler

I never lived in a dorm. That's what I wanted to do. I even knew where.

Benson

Where?

Stabler

Are you ready for this? Everglades University.

Benson

Everglades?

Stabler

Yeah. Playboy magazine rated universities by their sexual temperature. E.U., always at the top of the list.

Benson

Beautiful. I can see you had your priorities in order.

Stabler

Thank you.

C'mon, miss, you're badgering my client.

Benson

It's "Detective," not "miss." And you’re in my house now, so why don’t you save your lawyering for someone who gives a damn?

Munch

Poor guy.

Benson

Poor guy?

Munch

Imagine trying to score smack in a place called Moosonee. Must've been hell. Easier to cop yak turds.

Benson

I sure as hell wouldn't drive to Queens to save your ass.

Stabler

Yeah you would.

Benson

Well, that's only because you have a wife and kids.

Benson

Just tell me once more, how'd you kill her?

[smiles] Thrill-seeker. No. I'm done. Do what you can with what you've got. I don't think you can kill me with it. Pity. I'm fixed on you, and until I'm dead, I'll always be in your head, just like your mother has somebody in her head. We're joined at the hip now, aren't we?

Stabler

How long you been sleeping with Cassidy?

Benson

Uh, I'm not.

Stabler

Your stomach just dropped 2 floors, Olivia. The unconscious does not lie.

Benson

I'm not lying. (beat)Not much.

Benson

Is it that obvious?

Stabler

I'm your partner. For better or worse.

Cassidy

When you get married-

Benson

If I get married.

Cassidy

As long as you have this job, your marriage will be an affair.

Munch

More specifically, he's mad at you.

Stabler

Which is why we thought you'd have better luck with him.

Benson

Yeah, I mean you're smart and God knows you're patient.

I am not a homosexual.

Munch

Okay.

Part of my job was to keep an eye on Seth. Mr. Langdon is seriously eyeing a run for a congressional seat. But the scandal of having an openly homosexual son- well, look at the damage a lesbian sister caused Newt.

Munch

Actually, she was a half-sister.

She may have been a half-sister, but unfortunately for Newt, she was all lesbian.

Munch

You don't think Newt's problems had anything to do with his ethics violations or him being a pedantic megalomaniac who espouses family values while serving his cancer-stricken wife with divorce papers while she's on her hospital deathbed? Did that ever occur to you?

Anybody know where Cassidy is?