This backstage, it should be on stage. They'd sell more tickets.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
If I'd known I would be grilled by some Visigoth --
A what?
It's a barbarian tribe that invaded Rome.
Oh.
I remember that from the one history class I didn't cut.
I'm sure you were a very charming street urchin.
You think I need inducements to get what I want? On any night, I can point my baton at any woman in the audience and she's mine.
Well, whatever little stick that you pointed at her, we think you swatted it down with the threat of a lawsuit.
Waterproof to cover a wound? Maybe it's not for nothing he's wearing a turtleneck.
We need to find someone who's seen him without his shirt on. Unless you want to take a schwitz with him.
They don't pay me enough.
[Reinhardt is shirtless, being inspected by Rodgers while Barek and Logan watch.]
I'm warning you, doctor, if you faint, I'm not responsible.
I'll try to control myself. By the way, your production of Aida five years ago? One of the best nights of my life.
[Rodgers looks at Logan.]
Lennie Briscoe took me.
LLawyer
Enough with the Vulcan mind meld.
[Logan and Barek are listening to Gillian Boothe crying and sobbing after she has confessed to killing her daughter, only to have Reinhardt abandon her.]
Do you suppose any of those tears are for her daughter? [Barek says nothing] Yeah, me neither.
This search for the truth, it's... it's not for the faint-hearted.
[about Lester Summerhill's photo gallery] Half-naked women and animal carnage. It suggests violence against women without actually showing it.
RRobbie
How do you know those girls? Are they pros?
JJack
No. Thanks to Dr. Dre and Fat Joe, chicks dig fat guys.
These girls have boyfriends?
DDetective
Super says no. They were nice, quiet girls.
Well, they are now.
Her area of research is death?
PProfessor
It's how people use magical thinking to deal with the uncertainties of death.
Magical thinking. So you can control events with your thoughts.
PProfessor
Or with ritualistic behavior.
Like crossing yourself when you pass a hearse.
[Barek flips through a notebook.]
She's got that one here along with getting your throat blessed so you don't choke on a fish bone.
That doesn't work?
There is ash on their forehead.
Frankincense. And almond oil on their lips.
Some kind of Last Rites?
A killer worried about their afterlife?
He should've worried about his own.
[Logan sits down next to an old woman in a clinic.]
Hi.
GGrace
Hi.
I just thought you should know you've got seeds falling out of your pocket.
GGrace
Oh!
Don't worry. I won't tell anyone. What you got in there?
[Grace shows him what's inside the brown paper bag on her lap.]
A parakeet!
GGrace
I saw him at the pet shop on the way here. And there was something so familiar about him.
Familiar?
[Grace peers into the bag.]
GGrace
I think it's my late husband.
[Logan stares at her.]
GGrace
Oh, it's a young bird and doesn't know how to talk yet, so I don't know for sure.
She keeps taking money out every week until December. And the same thing happens. She stops paying, she gets sicker.
Here again, in February, when she starts paying again, she gets better.
Someone's playing her health like a yo-yo to get money out of her.
Must be a trick you learn in nursing school.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Law & Order: Criminal Intent pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.