Shirley Feeney quotes from Laverne & Shirley

Shirley

Alright, I'll just have to figure out some other way to keep people warm during the party, let me see... blankets, blankets would be good...

Laverne

Oh, I like blankets, then we can all get under 'em!

[Referring to a bowl of mushy food] It's brown now, that means it was yellow once! Would you like some Shirley... I always eat something when I'm nervous

Shirley

[Swallowing hard and placing hand on her chest to hider her disgust] No, thanks, I'm fasting... religious reasons.

Lenny

[Reading Squiggy's driving test grade out loud] Your test score was........73! A passing grade!

YOU'VE PASSED?!?

Lenny

YOU PASSED! SQUIGGY YOU DID IT YOU PASSED!!!

[Smiling] I pass I pass.

Lenny

Yeah I knew you could.

Aw you jerk.

Laverne

[Reading Squiggy's little black book about Shirley] Shirley Feeney, Must be carefull with this one. [Shirley smiles and leaves Lenny & Squiggy's Apartment] Wants to marry me and have my baby.

Shirley

[Screams]

Laverne

[Laughing] Miss Shirley Squigman and the squiglett!

Laverne

You're nothing but a yellow-bellied cream puff!

Shirley

Cream puff?! Cream puff?! I'll have you know that cream puffs don't have bellies!

Laverne

I've got better things to do than spend my time in the kitchen!

Shirley

Oh yeah? Well answer me this - how do you intend on keeping a husband happy, hmmm?

Shirley

Well I hear that gives them quite the appetite!

Carmine

No, no, you don't understand - I only need a wife for one night.

Shirley

Get out.

Carmine

No, no, no, it's for the money.

Laverne

Then why don't you just call Ready Betty Wazaluski?

Shirley

Both of you, get out of here!

Shirley

[Stuck in a dress] Somebody get this dress off me!

This looks like a job for a couple of pickleheads!

Laverne

Well, it could get hot in their kitchen.

Shirley

Not if you don't take this it won't.

Shirley

Nobody wants anything that's been chewed up and spit out.

Hello!

Laverne

Aren't you gonna help me clean up this mess?

Shirley

I can't...I'M TOO CRANKY

Carmine

Love is blind.

Shirley

Yes, but deaf, dumb, and unable to smell?

Shirley

Just think, Laverne. We get to spend eternity surrounded by the good and the pure!

Hello!

Shirley

I demand to speak to the vile and loathsome creature that runs this wicked inferno!

Hello!

Mind if I join you?

Shirley

[disguised as an old man] Why, am I coming apart?