Carl Kolchak quotes from Kolchak: The Night Stalker

Well, the Rakshasa is the disciple of Ravana. Ravana, whose deeds were so horrible he stopped the sun and moon in their course.

Carl Kolchak

You know, I had a date in with a girl in college just like that once.

Mr. Kolchak! I value my time. If it is your intention merely to be a music hall wag, please state so.

Carl Kolchak

I'm trying to find out about a creature named a raka... rakashusi... rakalaki... rakasomething. I didn't hear it too well.

There are a plethora of Indian words beginning with those syllables.

Carl Kolchak

Well, this "rak" takes pleasure in eating human flesh.

[nervously, as customers look somewhat grossed out at them] You're talking about the Rakshasa!

Carl Kolchak

The Rakshasa have magical powers, Tony. They seduce their victims to death by taking on the image of someone the victim trusts.

Tony Vincenzo

And poor Harry Starman - he trusted you? Obviously he never had to depend on you to come up with a cogent story - something that'll turn a profit!

Carl Kolchak

Who's the father of modern psychology?

Sigmund Freud is commonly given that appellation, but that is more in terms of classical analysis. In the study of pure behavior both Ivan Pavlov and Wilhelm Wundt would have to qualify as well.

Carl Kolchak

[to Leslie Dwyer] You said he speaks languages, right? [to R.I.N.G] Say that in French.

Carl Kolchak

Okay... what's the difference in right and wrong?

Carl Kolchak

What's the difference in right and wrong?

No one philosopher or tape can answer that. Can you?

Carl Kolchak

[to R.I.N.G] Who had more right to life, you or Dr. Avery Walker?

Tony Vincenzo

Voila! Nice story, Carl. It's old cabbage. It's already been chewed up by all the other News Services.

Carl Kolchak

Let them have the cabbage. We here at I.N.S. will feast on journalistic Filet Mignon. Where's Ron?

Tony Vincenzo

Out to lunch.

Carl Kolchak

Well, it looks like a freezer, but it's so hot and damp and humid in here, you could steam littleneck clams.

Well, it's out of order.

Carl Kolchak

Yeah, it stinks, too. It smells of mildew. Phew!

Maybe it's your undershirt.

Carl Kolchak

Could be your jokes.

Alright. This is Homo Erectus. And, his colleague, here, is Australopithecus.

Carl Kolchak

Ah..

You-see. Early Man. Both of them. Neither has sixteen, double-E Feet.

Carl Kolchak

[laughs Pointing at Advanced Australopithecus on The Evolution of Homo Sapiens Chart] I know that one. I work for him.

Carl Kolchak

Okay, how much is it?

There is no charge. A nominal contribution will be appreciated.

Not that nominal.

Who are you, a policeman?

Carl Kolchak

Do I look like a policeman? I'm a reporter.

[about a crime scene] Why do you want to go up there?

Carl Kolchak

Why do I want to go up there? Because it's there.

Unfortunately, for those of us who are genuinely interested in the occult, witchcraft's big business.

Carl Kolchak

Ah.

Big business and free speech is what this country's all about, right?

Carl Kolchak

Well, I'll agree about free speech.

Now, you're just upset, Mrs. Morton, and thanks to this man and his morbid, macabre babbling!

Carl Kolchak

Babbling? And you're supposed to be the brightest and the youngest captain on the force, huh? Well, you're not even fit to be captain of the Rockettes! Suck in your gut!

[Luis is trying to get a guillotine exhibit working] Ah, that's just marvelous, Luis. Fix it! And never mind excuses about 200-year-old wood, either. Hmm. I'm sorry, Mr. Kolchak, but you'll have to come back tomorrow. The exhibit starts tomorrow, and we're unprepared. We're totally unprepared.

Carl Kolchak

Yeah, well, I'm only sorry I'm not gonna be able to make the exhibit. Maybe I can help you out with a feature story or... Even with pictures.

[Luis tests the guillotine exhibit behind them] Wax. Wax, Luis! And some good old-fashioned elbow grease!

Carl Kolchak

That always helps. Yeah.

I like your idea, Mr. Kolchak. But no pictures until we get it working right.

Carl Kolchak

Oh, certainly.

What, um, aspect of the Reign of Terror would you like to concentrate your oeuvre on?

Carl Kolchak

Oeu...

Picture ramifications? Social problems? Historical antecedents, perhaps?

Carl Kolchak

Well, actually, I was thinking more about the supernatural aspects.

The supernatural aspects of the Reign of Terror? That's inane.

Carl Kolchak

But original.

[chuckles] There was nothing spooky about the French Revolution. People lopped off with the heads of thousands of aristocrats and carted them away in straw baskets, then turned the blades on themselves and killed thousands more. Just another segment of Western History.

Carl Kolchak

Yeah, I know. I know that a lot of heads we're chopped off during that Reign of Terror. But, uh, were there any unearthly events resulting from that lopping off of heads? I mean, that you know of.

You're not interested in history, Mr. Kolchak. You're interested in wives' tales.

Use some steel wood, Luis!

Carl Kolchak

Try graphite! What about those wives' tales?

Oh, there was some... [scoffs] nonsense about, uh, burying the executed in common graves. Well, with careless gravediggers and what have you, the heads and the bodies were often separated, sent to different locations.

Carl Kolchak

Oh, you mean like what happens to luggage out at the airport?

Exactly. Happened to me when I flew into Chicago.

Carl Kolchak

It happens all the time here. It's terrible. What happened to those headless bodies?

Oh, legend has it that headless specters, corpses were seen wandering around the streets of Paris, attempting to wreak revenge on those that had decapitated them.

Carl Kolchak

What did the people in Paris do about these wandering corpses?

A program was instituted to rebury the heads with the bodies, and to make sure that future burials were done with care.

Carl Kolchak

And that stopped the dead from walking, right?

Legend would have us believe it did.

[sighs] Will you get off that platform? I'll do it myself, Luis!

Carl Kolchak

Uh, Dr. Strig?

Yes?

Carl Kolchak

Try shoe polish.

Shoe polish?

Uh, do you have a comment to make?

Carl Kolchak

Well?

Yeah - but you couldn't print it.

Look, Kolchak - I gotta tell you something. Some people dream about retiring.

Carl Kolchak

Uh-huh.

I dream about breaking your face.

Carl Kolchak

I love you too, Siska. Listen - how's your therapy coming along? A-okay?

Shut up.

Carl Kolchak

He went bananas in Iraq.

He should have stayed in Chicago. The same thing would have happened; he would have saved travel expenses and jet lag.