Tony Vincenzo quotes from Kolchak: The Night Stalker

Tony Vincenzo

I'm tired of it, Kolchak. I am fed up. I've got a brother-in-law who's got a 14-year-old he's always bailing out of juvenile hall, but I've got you, and you are worse!

Tony Vincenzo

When you get back to the swindle and fraud stories, write about how you're employed here - which is one of the biggest swindles in memory!

Tony Vincenzo

[Angrily, in reply to Kolchak who criticized the way he's eating] Don't tell me what to do with my mouth!

Tony Vincenzo

All right, all right. I'm willing to buy the idea that these two series of murders might somehow be connected. I'm even willing to buy that they might have been committed by the same man. [pause] But a man, Kolchak, a man. Not some sort of a super dead man.

You still here? You must like it.

Carl Kolchak

This is a wild goose chase if you try to shoot that guy.

We did it once. We can do it again.

Carl Kolchak

You did it once, and he smashed down a steel door. How'd he do that?

He had an accomplice on the outside.

Carl Kolchak

He had an accomplice on the outside? [turns to Vincenzo who's talking on a payphone] What's happening?

Tony Vincenzo

Will you shut up a minute! [talks into the phone] Not you.

Carl Kolchak

[turns back to Warren] I talked to one of the guys on the TAC squad. It's that fence- the electric fence. That's what stopped him. [turns to Vincenzo] What did you find out? What?

Tony Vincenzo

1908.

Carl Kolchak

1908! Think. In 1908, in New York City, they caught a Ripper.

I don't have time for this.

Carl Kolchak

No. You gotta... You better make time for it. Because that's one thing he's got plenty of. And if you don't stop him now, he's gonna go on forever.

You're an absurd man, Kolchak.

Carl Kolchak

Listen, it's electricity! Don't you understand? That's the only thing he was scared of in New York City in 1908! Do you know why?

Carl Kolchak

Then I'll have to start at the beginning, with the autopsy on the dead panda.

Tony Vincenzo

[while dining] Carl, start somewhere else, will ya?

Ron Updyke

I think I'm getting sick.

Tony Vincenzo

Well, how about all those megavitamins you've been taking, and the massive doses of Vitamin C?

Ron Updyke

They're making me sick.

Carl Kolchak

What don't you like about this hat?

Tony Vincenzo

What's under it.

Carl Kolchak

[Grabbing his hat and jacket] Okay. If clothes make the reporter around here, then Carl Kolchak can play that game too!

Tony Vincenzo

Where are you going?

Carl Kolchak

I'm taking the rest of the afternoon off. I am going out and buy myself some new clothes, okay?

Finally!

Carl Kolchak

The Rakshasa have magical powers, Tony. They seduce their victims to death by taking on the image of someone the victim trusts.

Tony Vincenzo

And poor Harry Starman - he trusted you? Obviously he never had to depend on you to come up with a cogent story - something that'll turn a profit!

Ron Updyke

It seems some dangerous animals did escape, including two large apes, a pair of adult African gibbons, as well as a Malayan tiger, a civet cat, and a pie-cost.

Tony Vincenzo

What's a pie-cost?

Ron Updyke

89 cents. [chuckles]

Tony Vincenzo

Voila! Nice story, Carl. It's old cabbage. It's already been chewed up by all the other News Services.

Carl Kolchak

Let them have the cabbage. We here at I.N.S. will feast on journalistic Filet Mignon. Where's Ron?

Tony Vincenzo

Out to lunch.

Carl Kolchak

Businessman? What businessman keeps a mummy in the basement and a dummy in a key staff position?

Tony Vincenzo

Carl, you yourself said that the mummy vanished, right?

Carl Kolchak

Yeah.

Tony Vincenzo

You had a terrible hit on the head, and you saw things. And as for having dummies in key staff positions, I'm as guilty as the next.

Tony Vincenzo

It says here the Andrews family changed their name from Arguello. And they're from Jalisco, and the hotel chain started in Veracruz.

Carl Kolchak

It's Ha-lisco, Tony, not Ja-lisco.

Tony Vincenzo

Oh, excuse me, Jose. I don't care if they came from Hersey City, New Hersey! There are Mexicans there too, but none of them are Aztecs.

Carl Kolchak

What is important is that it takes 420 pounds pressure - psi. - to crush a telephone. Now, it says right here that a medieval knight in full armor and in full weaponry weighs well over 400 pounds.

Tony Vincenzo

Oh, I feel much better. All my life I wanted to know that a medieval knight could crush a telephone.