Kojak quotes

Lt. Theo Kojak

[apprehends thief] Shut off your motor. Haven't you heard of the energy crisis?

Det. Stavros

You want him picked up?

Lt. Theo Kojak

Well, I'd prefer him six feet under, but I'd settle for a pickup.

Lt. Theo Kojak

We could save ourselves a plethora of surprises.

Det. Bobby Crocker

What the hell is plethora?

Lt. Theo Kojak

Follow me. We'll get a library card.

Lt. Theo Kojak

The killer's got a 20-minute head start on us. How many homicides do you need? And you wanna wait for Forensic?

[on phone] Well it's Monday night in California, too, isn't it? Nobody goes out in Encino on Monday night, especially my wife. On Tuesday mornings, it's her turn for the carpool.

When you stub your toe, you gotta expect some scuff makers, huh? She came to me out of fear. I went to her in loneliness. Looks like I got the best of the bargain, huh? I'm still alive.

I rushed down, found my wife's missing jewelry.

The, eh, detective over there said we couldn't have it back. Gave me a receipt. I don't look very good in receipts.

Lt. Theo Kojak

Hey, does Ginger Rogers fall over Fred Astaire's feet, huh? These two twinkle-toes could get up on the Goodyear Blimp in flight, get down without mussing any hair.

[on phone] Anyway, it's night. That's better for you, right?

It's never better, it's never worse for me. When I'm ready, it's perfect.

Lt. Theo Kojak

Neil Packman. He's a machine, Crocker. You put the money in the slot, out comes the bodies. Cops, racketeers, husbands, wives, kids, he'll kill anything.

Lt. Theo Kojak

[hands Crocker a used lollipop] Here, put this out some place.

Lt. Theo Kojak

And then it's gonna be happily ever after, you know, 'once upon a time' like the fairy tales.

Lt. Theo Kojak

[dripping with sarcasm] Hey look, Deidre, I'm sorry I missed your coming out party. I hear you were crowned Miss Silicone, is that right?

Hey, Kojak, did you come here to break in a nightclub act or was there something special you wanted?

Lt. Theo Kojak

Hey, Counselor, you tell your client to have his mouth behave, or he's a prime candidate for a get-well card.

[raises voice] He threatened me! You heard that, he threatened me!

Lt. Theo Kojak

Greeks, they don't threaten. They utter prophecies.

Do you want it straight?

I don't want it at all. I'd give anything for a ten-foot pole I didn't have to touch it with. It's the big casino, isn't it?

Advanced stomach cancer. Malignant and inoperable.

Lt. Theo Kojak

Hey, Benny, if it wasn't for you, Eddie Ryan would've had as much razzle-dazzle as a wet firecracker.

Is that what you think? Is that what you think Eddy Ryan was like? A grandstander? Well, let me tell you something: Eddie Ryan had more guts than anyone on this island. What do you think got him killed?

Lt. Theo Kojak

Dumb got him killed. Dead is not guts. Dead is dumb.