Escargoon quotes from Kirby: Right Back at Ya!

So this here's it, huh?

Escargoon

The cover's not too bad-lookin' actually. Huh. Pappy Pottey and the Fool's Stone. Nice picture. Wonder what it's ab- [Dedede interrupts by moving the book away from him]

I'm readin' it first. Now, let's see...

Escargoon

Well, at least you could've snagged two copies!

[looks through the pages] Huh? Now this can't be right. [looks through the pages some more] Nope, not here. This some kinda joke? [screams] Somebody stole all the pictures out of this here book! It's all gobbledygook here.

Escargoon

They're words.

[grunts in confusion]

Escargoon

[screams] You rule a kingdom and you don't even know how to read?

[beat]

Course I know how to read, you dummy! I learned how to 'fore I got expelled from kindergarten!

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Escargoon

Give me that book! I'm only up to Chapter 2!

I'm bannin' these books from Cappy Town, Escargoon, 'cause I've got a novel idea of my own.

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I felt like a zoo animal sitting in that jail cell.

Escargoon

No self-respecting zoo would take you.

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Do y'all know how to tell a story? Do y'all know how to draw 'til your fingers fall off? Do y'all know how to color inside the lines? Then we want YOU! [Laughs] I'm the most important person in this whole joint, half-pint! I'm the producer!

SSpikehead

A producer? What does a producer do?

IIro

A producer doesn't do anything.

Escargoon

Hmmmm, they gotcha there, Majesty.

QUIET! The producer is in charge of everything and everybody, y'hear?!

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All you lazy louts better be workin'!

CBChief Bookem

Lazy?!

MLMayor Len

With all due respect, we're working as hard as we can.

If you don't get crackin', I'm gonna have to give you all a whackin'!

Escargoon

[groans] We'd better air what we just have.

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[the altered opening of King Dedede's new show starts playing, which is a "Dedede-ified" version of the show's opening]

[singing to the opening] Dedede! That's the name you should know! Dedede! He's the king of the show! You'll holler and hoot, he'll give Kirby the boot! Dedede's the one!

[reacting to the new show's altered opening] Hey! Kirby's supposed to be the star!

Yeah, now it's about Dedede.

[laughs]

Escargoon

It's the director's cut.

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[laughs] LOOKITDAT!

Escargoon

[quietly] Sire, shush! You're being recorded, keep your trap shut. Looks like they drew these with their eyes closed.

Remind me to fire that no-talent character designer!

Escargoon

Y'know, your head's even fatter than I thought it was.

Okay, guys. Get ready.

Our lines are coming up.

Meta Knight

Tiff, I am nervous. I have never... acted before.

Don't worry. You'll do great.

Meta Knight

Thank you.

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That cheat! Dedede made Kirby look like the bad guy!

He must've switched stuff around while we weren't lookin'!

Escargoon

[laughs] His Majesty's gonna be bigger than ever, and that's saying something!

That's right, I'm gonna show'em some REAL star power!

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Escargoon

Good morning, Majesty.

Well, if it ain't my faithful servant, Escargoon!

Escargoon

My, aren't you looking fit as a fiddle!

You're downright spiffy yourself.

Escargoon

Have you seen Kirby today, Majesty?

He don't scare me none!

Those two changed my script so they look like heroes! [Growls]

If Dedede and Escargoon are heroes, this sure isn't a reality show.

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That monster been terrorizin' us far too long!

Escargoon

If anyone can give Kirby the heave-ho, it's you, sire!

I'll kick that Kirby to the curb!

Escargoon

We're right behind you, Majesty. You're a hero to us all!

Oh come now. Little ol' me a hero? Surely you jestin'!

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Meta Knight

Look! It is Fire Dedede, our Hero! [to himself] I would never say that.

Escargoon

What's going on here? These pictures aren't colored in yet!

I don't see no backgrounds, neither!

Chef Kawasaki

We didn't have time, sire!

Forget it! It's the performances that matter!

Escargoon

Majesty, how could ANYONE perform with these scribbles?!

Nevermind them scribble-gribbles, read the script!

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Look at that charisma!

Escargoon

Majesty, we're gonna have to ad-lib this part, we never wrote the last two pages of the script!

Ad-lib? YOU COULDN'T TELL ME THIS BEFORE, YOU SCATTERBRAINED SLUG?! [As he hits Escargoon with his mallet]

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[sigh] All this animation's giving me palpitation!

Escargoon

I'll never direct another cartoon.

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Escargoon

[screams] Look! A whole pile of ugly monsters! [Dedede hammers him]

Them things is handsome. They gotta be good-lookin' 'cause they look just like me. They're Dedede Dolls!

Escargoon

Ah, is this a joke? I never imagined you as a doll.

[chuckles] Yeah, these here mini-Ds is gonna make me a bazillion bucks.

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Escargoon

Morning, Sire.

You sleep in a boxin' ring?

Escargoon

This doll beat me up. Some late-night comedian put it in my bed while I was sleepin'. Wonder who that could be?

[laughs] That's great! Now I know I ain't the only one in this here kingdom who feels permanently pooped out.

Escargoon

That selfish sack of slag. If it were up to me, I'd give him one of these. [bonks his Dedede Doll]

Ow! Hey, somebody just knocked me on my noggin. You throw somethin' at me?

Escargoon

Not me. All I did was gently tap on the doll, like this. [bonks his Dedede Doll again, unknowingly causing Dedede to feel the pain on his noggin again]