PProsecutor
If I had a 6-year-old sucking on some part of my anatomy and called it a bonding experience, I'd be arrested.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
PProsecutor
I think Your Honor would agree that this is a little too happy of a meal.
Who's that?
A friend. Where's your hair?
Where's yours?
I have three rules. I don't lend money, I don't touch lettuce, I don't set people up.
You don't touch lettuce?
It's cold, it's wet, it squeaks. I don't have to explain myself.
What's his deal?
His 'deal' is his business. And I told you -
I know. You don't touch lettuce.
Tell me I never said the words 'sippy cup' while on the verge of tears.
No, but you were an averagely nervous young mother, so try to understand what she's going through.
Why are you picking on me?
Vincent's gone. I have to pick on somebody.
Kyle!
Thank God you aren't insane.
Why?
Because I spent most of my childhood trying to make you that way.
I used to sleepwalk through life, ignorant of the importance beef tallow plays in the flavoring of french fries. Now, I have been enlightened, and the french fry holds no secrets from me.
Hey, Kyle. That's not a Jaguar.
No, it's not. But it has aspirations.
[to Amy about her garnishing the meatloaf] Amy, any more parsley and it'll look like a putting green.
Well, Aunt Max lit the oven for me, but I sliced the sausage of the pre-mixed dough.
[about the woman who wanted Amy to perform her divorce ceremony] She chose me because you have a great rear end.
Yes. I do.
What's an orgasm?
Oh, honey, I'm not sure if I remember anymore. I might have to look it up in a book.
(to Amy as Kyle walks by) How do you cheat with sex?
Alcohol, music, and Viagra.
(to Kyle) You have accomplished the "self-distructive, I don't-give-a-damn" look.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Judging Amy pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.