[as Uncle and Mama Tohru enter the backroom]
YTYokanawa Thug 1
Hey! I said "front door" and to come alone!
I told her! [to Mama Tohru] See?! I told you!
Nyah! Would have lost your way! Near-sighted mule can barely see hook nose in front of his face!
Eyesight good enough to see the hair growing out of that mole!
YCYokanawa Crime Boss
Quit the squabbling, and put the fish on the table!
YTYokanawa Thug 1
Uhh, boss, technically an octopus is a member of the multipod family, and- [is given a look by his boss] Put the fish on the table!
[catching Jackie] Need to work on your sneaking around. Inuits can hear footsteps in snow a mile away.
Uncle, Jade! I told you to- [Elder beckons at him with a spear] We are not armed!
But that doesn't mean we won't go polar on your butt if you don't hand over Dwayne!
Jade, please. She means the prehistoric cave creature.
Oh, so maybe your sister has big feet? [indicating the creature's large footprint in the snow]
[defensive] My sister has tiny feet! She is delicate like a bird!
He's no Shaman! That is Peter Bailey, a black marketeer! He steals artifacts and sells them to the highest bidder!
But the Shaman has great powers! He can speak to other shamans across the sea through a magical black box!
[retrieves cell phone from Jackie's pocket] You mean like this? It's called a cell phone, hello? Everybody's got one back where we come from, except for me! [calls the Antique Store]
SVUncle's Voicemail
Uncle's Antique! Not here! Call back!
[in a challenge of Ice Fishing with Uncle, holding up his bait] My secret.
Anchovy? Bah! That's nothing but minnows.
What do you fish with, worms?
[holds up a roll of beans] Mung beans wrapped in tea leaves. Fish take a number to get on hook!
Ehhh, big talk no action. [the drop their lines into the water, and almost immediately get a bite] See? I got something!
So does Uncle! Big something!
[both withdraw their tangled lines, with no fish, Uncle's bait is gone]
Hah! See? My bait gone, yours still on hook!
So fish we lost was mine!
[examining Jackie's mouth] Well, I'm afraid you're gonna need a complete jaw transplant, Mr. Chan.
[laughing] Just kidding! You simply have a displaced filling, we'll have you fixed up in no time. Lisa, prepare a shot of novocaine please.
Uh... I don't like needles.
Oh, well I could drill without numbing you. [brandishes a dental drill]
[intimidated] Okay... numb me, please.
MMohajah
I must move closer. Read his mind...
[numb speaking] Here is your ticket, Jade.
It's so cool you're taking me along on this once in a lifetime educational experience, Uncle Jackie!
[Mohajah reads her mind]
JSJade's Mind
Three whole days, no school! Yes!
[numb speaking; hugging Uncle] I'll miss you Uncle.
[Mohajah reads his mind]
JSJackie's Mind
I'll miss you Uncle.
[numb speaking] And don't worry, I won't forget the curry powder.
[Mohajah reads his mind]
Uncle's Mind Jackie will forget. He always forgets!
[Jackie is thrown into a market booth; his cellphone rings]
Ah, Jackie! Do not forget curry powder!
Okay Uncle, I took care of it. Have to go, bye! [Leaps up; to shopkeeper] Sorry about your shop, send me a bill, thank you! [Runs off]
Jumba I suppose we owe you an explanation, Jackie. You've heard of the Sutras of Raktajiba, yes?
Only at your museum. You said they were just a legend.
JJumba
I lied. You see, the Sutras do very much exist. [Holds Jackie's filling up under a magnifying glass, revealing inscriptions]
JJumba
Magnificent, are they not? A 3000 word incantation, painstakingly inscribed by skilled sorcerers onto a piece of silver no larger than a grain of basmati rice.
Legend foretells that when the Sutras are returned to the Ganges, the river will dry up.
That would be- So, those thieves who have been after me, you've been trying to stop them!
JJumba
Well, no. Actually, they've been trying to stop us. They are not truly thieves, you see. They are Disciples of Mohajah.
Oh, a do-gooder-mystic. A psychic. Claims his mission is to protect India from evil magic.
JJumba
Mohajah suspected I was in possession of the Sutras, and planning to transport them here to India.
But none of us could carry the Sutras without the Mohajah knowing it; that mind reading power of his... real nuisance.
So you had to find a courier who did not know he was carrying the Sutras. Me.
We so appreciate your help, Jackie.
But that means you want to dry up the Ganges River! Why?
JJumba
Have you no sense of vision man? Do you not realize what treasures lie on the riverbed? Centuries worth of artifacts; silver, gold, riches beyond measure, there for the taking!
Millions of people depend upon the river for farming, and travel, and- Lives will be destroyed!
Our Jackie's a bit of a sentimentalist. So sweet! But really, one must have priorities. We're talking about the archaeological event of the millennium. If a few people must be inconvenienced... [shrug]
You are bad people! All of you!
JJumba
Yes, soon to be very rich people!
