Jackie Chan Adventures quotes

Jackie

[cellphone rings] Is that you, Uncle?

No. It is a magazine salesman calling you at five o'clock in morning!

Jackie

Oh, sorry. It's almost lunchtime here.

Uncle has been researching the Cat of Khartoum.

Jackie

Yes, and did you discover any unusual legends or-

Getting to that! According to legend, anyone who gets scratched by claw of statue-

Jackie

Becomes like a cat themself!

Bah! You already know so much! Why you bother me?

Jackie

There is one thing I do not know, Uncle. What is the antidote?

Antidote?! Do not get scratched by claw of cat!

Jackie

I mean, how do you reverse the process? Or are you getting to that?

No! Getting to bed! Call you back later!

Dude, check it out. [Valmont chugs a large jar of creamer] Uh, want a little coffee with your cream there, Big-V? [Valmont ignores him and just licks his fingers]

I'll give him one thing; he's very tidy.

I say we collect the dough for this thing pronto, get Valmont to a doctor. Maybe there's some kind of cure.

Don't you mean... a veterinarian?

I heard that. In fact, my hearing has become quite accute. There is no cure, because this is not a disease. It's a transformation. And I rather like the new me.

[laughing playfully while hitting tassles] Tassles! I never realized what pleasure they can give.

[clawing through a wall] Here's Tabby!

Jackie

[after surviving a fall from a skyscraper by using a flag as a parachute and landing in front of many bewildered onlookers] Uh... The elevator is too slow.

Jackie

The cargo ship was not a secure enough transport. The museum decided that with the thieves still at large, the Golden Dragon will instead travel to Hong Kong on the last place anyone would think to look; a cruise ship. I will accompany it.

Jade

Tch. You lucked out.

Jackie

Yes. The only problem is that the museum has given me a two room suite. I do not know what to do with all the extra space.

Jade

I'm going on a cruise! Yes!

Jackie

Heh heh, all of us are going. Uncle, Tohru...

Pah! Uncle does not cruise. Uncle does inventory!

Jackie

Uncle, when was the last time you took a real vacation?

Let me see. Three, four, carry the one, never! So why start now?

I will stay here.

Jade

Tohru? Hello?! Swimming pools? Whale watching? All the shrimp you can eat? [Tohru glares at her] Okay, strike that. All the pizza you can eat?

I... cannot travel on a ship.

Jade

Tch. Knew I shouldn't have taken you to see Titanic. That was just a movie, Tohru.

Jackie

Where are you going, Uncle?

To lifeboat! Row back to shore!

Good! I have better things to do than hang around with junk seller! I visit with my boy, relax, play a little Mahjong...

[interested] You play Mahjong?

No, I win at Mahjong. Five-time All Kyoto Finalist!

Hong Kong Community Center Champion 1955. Beat you with one hand tied behind back!

Ha! Big talker! How about you put your tiles where your mouth is?

We're near capacity, Captain!

Boats can and will accommodate every passenger and crewmember!

But we've never really had anyone... his size. [everyone looks at Tohru]

That boat, bobbing up and down? I will stay here.

If my baby not going, I'm not going. Bah. Take the Billy Goat!

Hah! Nice try! Could not leave ship until I whoop you at Shuffleboard! Take Jade!

Kindly forgive the brutish behavior of my apprentice. [takes away Tohru's Chinese Takeout food] He offers you his meal as an apology.

Oh, we would never eat his food.

You do not like moo shu?

[rolling out a mattress] Uncle is too old for this!

Jade

[rolling out a mattress] Tch. I'm too old for this!

Jackie

[rolling out a mattress] Let's just try to make the best of- [mattresses are pulled out from under them] Oof!

Jade

Hey!

Huh?!

When the Chosen One sleeps well, everyone is rested!

Jade

Pillow fight! Whoa!

You are too young to watch battle with the forces of darkness!

Jade

Aw...

Oh! Tohru! Uncle has the willies!

Willies?

Dark Chi must be near!

[after Tohru disappears; to Jackie] You are a lousy Champion! You let the Chosen One out of your sight!

Jade! [pulls her in and slams the door] You are still too young.

Jade

Aw!