EEmployer
And you included in your specialties, "Taking care of buisness"?
Mmm Hmm
Mmm Hmm T.C.O.B.
Mmm Hmm
“Sweet Dee Has a Heart Attack” · Season 4, Episode 10
In this episode: Sweet Dee Reynolds (4), Charlie Kelly (3), Mac McDonald (3), Dennis Reynolds (2)
This is the perfect opportunity! I'm gonna hang out in his office and pretend I'm the new guy.
Uh, I don't think that's gonna work, dude.
Uh, have you seen The Secret of My Succe$s?
Uhhh, they're gonna catch on to you.
Uhhh, yeah, but before they do, I will come up with an idea that'll save the company millions and they'll be forced to promote me!
Uhhhhhhhh, are you sure? How's that movie end, dude?
Uhhhh...I can't remember it. Oh, Yeah! He bangs that old lady, and then they play that song from the 80's. "Day Bow Bow".
What the hell's "Day Bow Bow"?
[singing Yello's "Oh Yeah"] Day Bow Bow. Chik. Chik-chika!
You wanna talk about stress? You wanna talk about stress?! OK! I've stumbled onto a major company conspiracy, Mac--how 'bout that for stress?
What the hell are you talking about?
This company is being bled like a stuck pig, Mac, and I've got a paper trail to prove it. Check this out. [Goes to a wall covered in paper and string] Take a look at this.
Jesus Christ, Charlie!
That right there is the mail. Now let's talk about the mail. Can we talk about the mail, please, Mac? I've been dying to talk about the mail with you all day, OK? "Pepe Silvia," this name keeps coming up over and over again. Every day Pepe's mail is getting sent back to me. Pepe Silvia! Pepe Silvia! I look in the mail, and this whole box is Pepe Silvia! So I say to myself, "I gotta find this guy! I gotta go up to his office and put his mail in the guy's goddamn hands! Otherwise, he's never going to get it and he's going to keep coming back down here." So I go up to Pepe's office and what do I find out, Mac? What do I find out?! There is no Pepe Silvia. The man does not exist, okay? So I decide, "Oh shit, buddy, I gotta dig a little deeper." There's no Pepe Silvia? You gotta be kidding me! I got boxes full of Pepe! All right. So I start marchin' my way down to Carol in HR and I knock on her door and I say, "Carol! Carol! I gotta talk to you about Pepe." And when I open the door what do I find? There's not a single goddamn desk in that office! There...is...no...Carol in HR. Mac, half the employees in this building have been made up. This office is a goddamn ghost town.
OK, Charlie I'm going to have to stop you right there. Not only do all of these people exist, but they've been asking for their mail on a daily basis. It's all they're talking about up there. Jesus Christ, dude, we are going to lose our jobs.
Well, calm down because here's one thing that's not going to happen.
What?
We're not gonna get fired.
We're not?
Because we've already been fired.
We've lost our jobs!
Yeah. About 3 days ago a couple pink slips came in the mail. One for you and one for me. So what did I do? I mailed them halfway to Siberia.
If we've lost our jobs, then that means we've lost our health insurance. That means all of this was for nothing! Goddammit, dude, I am having a panic attack. I am actually having a panic attack.
Well, will you settle down and have another cup of coffee?
I am, bro.
All right, well, fine. You know what, Barney? Give this guy a cigarette, he's freakin' out. [turns to a man in black trench coat and hat standing next to him]
Huh? Who?
Barney. He's the one who tipped me off to Pepe Silvia.
Barney? Who the hell is Barney?
You don't see the...[Looks around and Barney's disappeared] Holy shit! Where the hell did he go? [Yello's "Oh Yeah" comes on in the background] Day Bow Bow.
You've lost your mind! You've lost your goddamned mind, Charlie. [Cha. Chika-chika!]
You know what I'm concerned about? I don't want to get too bulky. I want to stay nice and lean and tight. I want to get that Jesus on the cross look.
I see what you're saying. I think that crucifixion must have been really good for your core.
Oh absolutely. Jesus had like the best abs. He had the right idea. He knew no pain no gain.
SCSpin Class Instructor
Ma'am if you just had a heart attack maybe you shouldn't be working out.
Well maybe you shouldn't dress like a bumblebee, bitch!
SDSweet Dee (to Spin Class Instructor)
See you, Coach Dick and Balls.
Ha! "Spin class," come on! Bunch of hamsters on a wheel.
Yeah, I'm gonna ride a bike hard, I'm gonna ride a bike fast, and oh yeah, I'm not gonna go anywhere.
Yeah, and then when I walk out, I'm gonna put a bunch of metal onto a metal bar, and lift that metal over and over like a metal jerk.
You know, I gotta be honest with you. I feel like these supplements are doing a great job on their own, you know what I mean? I got tons of energy, my heart rate's up, things are going great.
Absolutely, I feel good too. Look at how vascular I am! Look at how my veins are popping! I look good and I feel good!
I feel good too, apart from the recent bouts of explosive diarrhea.
Oh? You've been having diarrhea?
Oh God, all over the place.
Really? Well, you know what that is? That's probably your body flushing out all the toxins.
You think so?
I do think so. I, on the other hand, have not taken a shit in days.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.