Do you want to shove heroin into your ass?
Dude, I don't want to shove anything in my ass!
All right! This is the perfect opportunity to prove how hard we are, and not have to shove anything up our asses!
“Dennis and Dee Get a New Dad” · Season 2, Episode 10
In this episode: Mac McDonald (3), Charlie Kelly (2), Dennis Reynolds (1)
Well, maybe it boils down to this, smart guy: Computers are for losers.
You're drinking a beer at 8:00 in the morning!
Whatever, dude. Irrelevant.
(Frank has just been informed by his ex-wife Barbara that he is not Dennis and Sweet Dee's father.)
Frank (sarcastic): Oh, no! I'm not gonna make a scene! I was just told, excuse me, that my HORRIBLE, WHORE WIFE has tricked me into raising two bastards for thirty years, and I'm bein' asked not to make a scene! (He goes over to a nearby table.) Did you bang my wife? Huh? (As he goes over to another table, Dennis and Sweet Dee are mortified, while Barbara is just annoyed.) Did you bang my whore wife? (Addressing the room in general) Does anybody here have any illegitimate children with my horrible, whore wife THAT I SHOULD KNOW ABOUT?!
Barbara (annoyed): Jesus, Frank...
Frank (really losing it now): JESUS, FRANK! JESUS, FRANK! JESUS, FRANK!!! JESUS!!! My life is a lie! My life IS A LIE!!!! (His gaze turns back to their table and he lunges for a fork. Completely unhinged) Somebody's gotta get stabbed! SOMEBODY'S GOTTA GET-- (Frank freezes in mid-sentence, almost as if he's been hit by something, gurgles feebly, and falls straight to the floor, taking the tablecloth and everything on it with him.)
MSMac's Dad
Let me get this straight...you come to me empty handed, and now you want my help?
I know we let you down, but I promise to you, if you help us out with a certain situation, we will come back to you with our butts filled.
Oh, so filled! So filled for you!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.