I'm sorry, can I ask: how do you play with a goddamn hole?
First, we just started, like, throwing things down it and then we never heard it land. It would just kind of rattle around down there.
Then we got a flashlight to see if we could see the bottom - we couldn't. Then I threw it down there! Y'know, to prove a point.
It was something to do with how metal... travels faster than light? Or-
No, it was that light is either on or off, there's no speed to light. It's- it was an anti-science thing.
This hole, it's very exciting, Dennis. I mean, it represents infinite possibilities, it's endless.
What if there's, like, a mutant living down there? We can get him up and he can live in the bar with us!
We've already got one mutant hanging out with us in the bar all the time. (laughs at Frank) Hey, Frank, did you hear what I said? I turned a frustrating conversation into a joke on you.
...Frank, what do you think about this hole? Pretty cool, huh? You want to do something with it?
No, I don't. In fact, something just dawned on me: I need to quit.
Wha-what? What're- What're you talking about?
I don't care anything about this hole. I-I'm passionless.
What are you saying, Frank?
I hereby officially retire from Paddy's Pub.
[Frank leaves. After a few seconds, the Gang starts cheering]
Look, I'm just trying to come up with a system. We gotta have a system here, y'know?
Wait, wait, wait, we do have a system for this! Paddy's Succession Plan, remember?
Oh shit, right. Yes, right! Paddy's Succession Plan! It was, like, a will we drew up to determine who would get each one of our shares in the very likely event of our untimely deaths.
We drank, like, three bottles of tequila and then we started talking about our legacy and how important that was to us-
Oh, here we go. On a paper plate, huh?
"Paddy's Succession Plan - Paddy's Pub shall secure our legacy here, henceforth and forevermore, throughout the birthright of our firstborn kin." Who hit the pen here?
It makes sense, don't be a bitch- what it means is, every one of our shares gets passed down to our firstborn.
Right! Right, our firstborn!
The shares get passed down to the firstborn kin? We are the firstborn kin of Frank!
Well, hang on! That's not, like, an official document!
Uh, well, you signed it in your blood.
Oh. There it is: "Chrundle", written in blood.
Oh, yeah. I was going by Chrundle at the time, wasn't I-
Nope. No, you were trying to write Charlie, and you wrote Chrundle.
No, I was going by Chrundle the Great.
You came up with that after you miswrote it.
I came up with a really great idea, dude.
I'm gonna play both sides.
...Why would you tell me that?
Probably shouldn't, because if you're trying to keep it a secret from me, well, now I know.
I shouldn't've- should I tell them?
No, I don't think you should tell either side, because if you're trying to play both sides and they both know, you're not playing anybody.
I d- I don't give a shit. Why are you here?
