Lucy quotes from I Love Lucy

Ethel

[reading from 'Dr. Humphries' book] If he hunts, take up hunting. If he fishes, take up fishing. If he golfs, take up golfing.

Lucy

Ricky plays poker. I'll have to take up poking.

Ethel

[reading from Dr. Humphries' book] Often, after the first years of marriage, the husband seems to lose interest in the wife. He reads the paper at the breakfast table, he doesn't answer when you talk to him. In short, he doesn't even know you're alive.

Lucy

I wonder where Dr. Humphries ever met Ricky.

Lucy

Lets see, it was either the upstairs maid, or the butler, or the cook.

Ricky

It was her husband.

Lucy

Her husband? He didn't have any reason to do it.

Ricky

He was married, wasn't he?

Tilly! Tilly, is that you?

Lucy

Yes, it's me Tilly.

But Tilly, that sneeze. Are you sick?

Lucy

Sick? I'm dead!

Oh, that's right.

Lucy

Ow!

What's the matter?

Lucy

I burned myself. It's awfully hot here.

Oh, that's where you are! Oh Tilly, I'm so disappointed in you.

Ricky

[feigning sleep] Grace Foster is running away with...

Lucy

Don't stop now! Go on!

Ricky

Grace Foster is running away with the milkman.

Lucy

Milkman?

Ricky

[still feigning sleep] Uh-huh.

Lucy

Go on, go on.

Ricky

Grace Foster y el lechero se van a salir juntos y...

Lucy

In English! In English!

Ricky

Grace Foster is running away with the milkman, and her husband doesn't suspect anything.

Lucy

Go on.

Ricky

That is all.

Lucy

What's your name?

Mrs. Porter.

Lucy

And what do I call you?

Mrs. Porter.

Lucy

[whenever Ricky stages a new show] Can I be in the show?

Ricky

No!

Lucy

[after buying a pair of hostess pants for Ethel's birthday gift] Well, now, wait a minute, Ethel, look. You get yourself a little black, off-the-shoulder blouse, and a big crushy belt, and little ballet slippers, and you're all set!

Ethel

What for, Halloween?

Lucy

I have an idea!

Ethel

How can you stand there in the middle of this mess and utter those four horrible words: "I've got an idea?"

Lucy

I saw them last month in Harper's Bazaar.

Ethel

Well they're certainly bizarre!

Lucy

Once you get to know Ethel, you'll find she's more fun than a barrel of monkeys.

Ethel

Monkeys that seldom get invited out of their barrels, that is.

Lucy

We're in the egg business together, so half of those eggs belong to Ethel. Isn't that right dear?

Ethel

Yes, the shells.

Lucy

It's my mad money.

Ricky

There's over $200 here.

Lucy

Well, I get awfully mad.

Lucy

You were just up here and said it sounded great.

Ethel

Well, I'm down here now and it sounds lousy!