I am definitely going to need an emergency wax.
But your eyebrows look fine.
Oh, it's not my eyebrows I'm worried about.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
Oh, don't feel so bad, Melanie. I didn't know about Elton John OR George Michael. I thought he wanted my sex.
I didn't even know the Village People were gay.
Yeah, they kind of ruined that cowboys with short shorts and a moustache look for straight guys.
In my day nobody knew anything about anyone. Rock Hudson. Tab Hunter. I had a big thing for Liberace.
You thought Liberace was straight?
(confident) I could have turned him.
(in regards to her bright red hair) I changed my hair!
Elka, why would... huh... I mean, why?
I wanted something fresh. I found a picture in a magazine and I gave it to my hair-stylist.
Was it a picture of Elmo?
This red hair comes with a temper. I will cut you!
A Japanese company wants me to do a commercial. Ah, years of honing my craft and finally my dream is coming true.
Your dream is to a Japanese commercial?
No. To sell out for an obscene amount of money.
(about Victoria’s underpants commercial) When do we tell her it's all over the internet?
Oh, I know. I saw it too.
I posted it.
How was the farmer's market?
Weird.
In L.A., a farmer's market means sushi, pâté, and enchiladas.
This is just a bunch of stuff... grown by farmers.
I keep telling you people never change. That's why, instead of confronting *my* mom, I've consumed an entire bottle of wine.
You don't seem that drunk.
Oh, we English never do. The alcohol is neutralized by our bottled-up anger.
Well, my mom hasn't let me leave the house since she got here. My childhood all over again. She just wants me to stay at home and eat. I was like a veal.
ACAlex Chase
I don't watch much television.
(scornful) Of course not. It doesn't have a mirrored surface.
My father and I argued about everything. The last fight we had was whether or not the gun was loaded. Two days later, bammo! Heart-attack!
(about having all the parents to the house) I could invite my father. But watch out. He hits on anything that moves.
(about her out-fit) As soon as I get to New York, I have to rush straight to Jenna's play; I'm not going to have time to change.
That's a lot of boobage for your daughter's play.
Nice girls keep their cookies in a jar.
Yes, I know, but Jenna set me up with one of her friends' fathers and we're going out to dinner after.
I thought you went to the dance with Max last night.
I did. But then Nick asked me to dance and one thing led to another.
You cheated on Max?
Twice! First a waltz, and then a polka!
(Melanie is going out with Anders) We're screwed.
Screwed, stewed, and tattooed. From a Tennessee Williams play. I played Esmeralda in summer stock.
You know, I didn't think you'd be able to make this about yourself. I underestimated you.
Listen, fooling around with exes is a perfectly natural and often beautiful part of every relationship. I've slept with all of mine.
Even the gay one?
Yes. He was questioning his sexuality, but as soon as we hit the sheets we got into a conversation about thread count, and well, game over!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hot in Cleveland pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.