Hot in Cleveland · Season 1
(about Anders, her ex) What if he's missing me too and Los Angeles was filled with so many sad memories he's flying to Paris to fill a void in his life? What if this is *our* meet on top of the Empire State Building moment?
Have you been watching Sleepless in Seattle again?
No! Yes. But I got it down to once a month.
You know, I was up for a part in the movie.
Course you were.
(on looking up Melanie's date) This is why the internet was invented. For men to find picture of naked women and women to cyber-stalk the ment they trust.
(to Melanie) You're not old. Forty's the new twenty-five.
I thought forty was the new thirty.
Let me ask you something. What's the deal with old ladies and track suits?
Well, it's simple. In your twenties you dress for men, in your forties you dress for success, and in your eighties you dress for a bathroom.
Does anyone else smell pot?
What are you, a cop?
No.
Then what's it to you?
(about her ex-husbands new fiance) She's half my age.
Well darling, that really isn't that young.
My fake age!
Oh my god! She's a child!
I say we kill him and make his underage whore watch!
(after coming down the back stairs into the kitchen) We're still in a rented house in Ohio, right?
Yup.
So last night a guy fifteen years younger than me really did give me his phone number.
Oh, it's the magic of Cleveland, Joy. All the most beautiful people in the world move to L.A. to become stars, leaving behind in their wake beauty voids for the rest of us to fill.
(to Joy) You're too old and creaky to be robbing the cradle.
I'm old?!? Was Ohio even a state when you were born?
They were talking about it.
Melanie Are you really thinking about finding your son?
Maybe. It's all just a... a lot.
I can't imagine.
Yes, you can. You're a mother.
Hey, guys, guess what? It's our birthday in two weeks!
You're kidding.
You all have birthdays on the same day?
No no no, but we decided that, seeing as birthdays are so generally unpleasant...
Depressing, scary...
Drunk and hazy...
We decided that we'd just celebrate ours all together on a neutral day. And that way, we don't have to acknowledge the day that we actually get older.
It works great. I really don't know how old I am.
I'm a little nervous. Or maybe it's just staring at that rat's nest that Joy calls a hairdo. It's so unsettling.
Your nerves are making you unpleasant.
Yes, but I can fix that by finishing this wine. You're still stuck with that hair.
That's not your joke, Elka. That's Winston Churchill's
It's not stealing if you were there.
Listen, Elka. I don't want to lose you. So, if you're still up for it, I'm willing to try going downtown.
You are?
Yes. Just hope I don't get lost down there.
Oh, you won't. I have no trouble telling you where to go.
It's just so dark and scary there.
(holding an ice tray to her neck) I pulled a muscle fastening my bra.
What's going on?
Victoria's having a senior moment.
Oh, I have those all the time. I can be walking along, happy as a clam, and suddenly I get this overwhelming urge to hit some young person with a stick.
You know Johnny Revere?!?
Every inch of him. One night he pulled me from the audience to dance on stage and gave me a back-stage pass to the best six months of my life.
They why is he a bastard?
Because half way through the tour, he left me stranded on a corner in Winslow, Arizona.
Seriously, you look even sexier in person than you did on your show.
You watched Edge of Tomorrow?
Sure. I was always bragging to the roadies how I used to drill you like the Gulf of Mexico.
Still don't follow the news, do you!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Hot in Cleveland pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
