Melanie Hope Moretti quotes from Hot in Cleveland

Melanie

Worst thing is Pete wants to rub me in Hanks´face.

Elka

I thought you did that on his boat.

Melanie

Now we know that there are fifteen ways to say whore in Polish.

Victoria

What a beautiful language.

Melanie

We are having a day of beauty, you know, fighting the good fight

Elka

Well, lay down your weapons lady, time won.

Joy

Well, seems like he mastered the art of licking himself.

Melanie

Thank God men can´t do that. It´s hard enough as it is to take them away from tv.

Melanie

The next best singer should step up!

Victoria

Yes, which is why I'm stepping.

Elka

You mean tripping!

Melanie

we were just practising for the Battle of the Bands.

Rick

Yes, i couldn't help but overhear that you suck.

Victoria

You know I really think we have a shot at winning this contest!

Melanie

and even if we don't, its an honour just to be entered.

Elka

That's what Joy said during Fleet Week!

Melanie

You are amazing

So, is this your fantasy?

Melanie

It's better than a fantasy. It's real.

Victoria

You faked porned him?

Melanie

I faked porned him.

Joy

Why?

Melanie

I-I panicked. Emmet said men like enthusiasm, so I went a little overboard. I mean, I was like someone reviewing their own business on Yelp.

Victoria

You set the sex bar way too high.

Melanie

I know! And now he's going to expect fake porn Melanie every time; I'm going to be so busy putting on a show that I won't be able to relax and enjoy it.

Joy

Wilbur, Nana's home. Were you a good boy for Elka and Mamie-Sue?

Oh, yes; we read Baby Shakespeare, listened to Baby Beethoven. I think both of them did better work as adults.

Joy

Wilbur, darling, say Nana. Na-na.

Nana.

Joy

Did you hear that? Wilbur just said his first word. And it was Nana.

Well, actually his first word wa...

Elka

Zip it.

Victoria

I'm on a film mission. Now, have him do a second take.

Joy

Wilbur, say it again. Say Nana.

TV.

Melanie

Did he just say TV?

Elka

I heard Nana.

TV.

Elka

That's from Baby Shakespeare. TV or not TV.

Joy

Owen and I made it very clear: no TV, no processed sugar, watch your language.

Crap!

Elka

That is us watching our language.

Joy

That's it. You two are off the baby-sitting list. You are never watching Wilbur again.

Bitch!

Elka

(after everyone just looks at her) I got nothing.

Melanie

Maybe it is too soon for me to start dating.

Joy

That's ridiculous. You like him and he likes you; you're already ahead of most of my relationships.

Melanie

I'm really sorry about last night, but I really was just trying to help my friend.

Which means you're a nice person.

Melanie

Thank you.

And... I'd like to get to know the girl that broke my uterus. Dinner tonight?

Melanie

Yeah, I'd love to.