Joy Scroggs quotes from Hot in Cleveland

Joy

There´s always adoption.

Victoria

Yes, you gave one away, you take one back.

Joy

Maybe this could work to your advantage. Award voters love it when actresses are brave enough to look hideous.

Victoria

I’m hideous?

Joy

Yes. Good hideous. You know, like Charlize Theron in Monster.

Victoria

Oh, you’re right. The judges love it when beautiful people suffer.

Joy

Well, seems like he mastered the art of licking himself.

Melanie

Thank God men can´t do that. It´s hard enough as it is to take them away from tv.

Joy

I hate daylight saving time.

Me too! It´s like jet-lag without going anywhere.

Joy

That would make a great tweet.

I hate Twitter.

Joy

(excitedly) I get to stay in America!!!

Elka

That's another reason to go to Canada.

Rick

Your former friends are next. There must be some part of you that's still rooting for them.

Joy

well I can't deny-

Rick

Kill that part of yourself!

Joy

Careful how you toss your sticks in the air, that time you almost hit me!

Elka

I'll try harder next time!

Rick

Would any of you care to join me in the back of my tour bus?

Joy

tour bus? You drive a ford fiesta!

Rick

Spanish for party!

(to Joy) So, how about you? How'd you do with the fireman?

Joy

We have a date.

I give it six months.

You did drop a rather large bombshell.

Please! I lived through the Blitz! Bombshells were dropping everywhere, people dying. Did anyone die today?

Joy

(leaning in) Not yet.

Joy

(about her mother) What? So, I'm, supposed to forgive her?

We are pretty big on forgiveness here.

Joy

Well, can you recommend a church that's big on revenge? Because I want to go there.

Victoria

You faked porned him?

Melanie

I faked porned him.

Joy

Why?

Melanie

I-I panicked. Emmet said men like enthusiasm, so I went a little overboard. I mean, I was like someone reviewing their own business on Yelp.

Victoria

You set the sex bar way too high.

Melanie

I know! And now he's going to expect fake porn Melanie every time; I'm going to be so busy putting on a show that I won't be able to relax and enjoy it.

Joy

Wilbur, Nana's home. Were you a good boy for Elka and Mamie-Sue?

Oh, yes; we read Baby Shakespeare, listened to Baby Beethoven. I think both of them did better work as adults.

Joy

Wilbur, darling, say Nana. Na-na.

Nana.

Joy

Did you hear that? Wilbur just said his first word. And it was Nana.

Well, actually his first word wa...

Elka

Zip it.

Victoria

I'm on a film mission. Now, have him do a second take.

Joy

Wilbur, say it again. Say Nana.

TV.

Melanie

Did he just say TV?

Elka

I heard Nana.

TV.

Elka

That's from Baby Shakespeare. TV or not TV.

Joy

Owen and I made it very clear: no TV, no processed sugar, watch your language.

Crap!

Elka

That is us watching our language.

Joy

That's it. You two are off the baby-sitting list. You are never watching Wilbur again.

Bitch!

Elka

(after everyone just looks at her) I got nothing.

Joy

(with her hand stuck) Stupid glue. I can't get this wine-glass out of my hand.

Elka

Well, that's how you look eighty percent of the day anyway.

Melanie

Maybe it is too soon for me to start dating.

Joy

That's ridiculous. You like him and he likes you; you're already ahead of most of my relationships.