Michael Giardello quotes from Homicide: Life on the Street

Munch

Mike, do you know anybody in the IRS?

Michael Giardello

IRS?

Lewis

Don't go there.

Munch

I'm lookin' for information on an IRS agent. Address, phone number, marital status.

Michael Giardello

You want me to dig up some dirt on an IRS agent?

Munch

Isn't there some super-secret federal database that you could access?

Michael Giardello

What are you, nuts? You don't mess with the IRS.

Munch

But you're FBI, you could say I'm toe to toe with these guys.

Michael Giardello

I could. The question is, why would I?

Lewis

Leave it alone, Munchkin.

Munch

It's not like I'm gonna stalk the guy, Mike, I just need an edge.

Falsone

So you're saying all black people are hip?

Lewis

Name one who ain't.

Falsone

George Washington Carver.

Michael Giardello

Please. How many things can a white man do with a peanut?

Munch

Shelled or unshelled?

Falsone

I got one. Meldrick Lewis.

Munch

Well, he is black.

Bayliss

Yep.

Michael Giardello

But not particularly hip.

Bayliss

Nope.

Lewis

What you talkin' about Willis?

Sheppard

Point taken. I guess Sammy Davis goes back on the list.

Lewis

No no no, hold on, let's just stop the game right here. I can be accused of a lot of things, but falling off the cutting edge is not one of 'em. Terri- am I down or am I down?

Stivers

What?

Lewis

Am I hip? Tell these fools.

Stivers

Uh, you have your moments.

Lewis

Moments?

Stivers

I don't know, maybe, you try too hard.

Lewis

I'm not playin' no more.

I like my pizza basic, that way you know what you're getting.

Michael Giardello

A basic pie.

Pembleton

Hello. I'm Frank Pembleton.

Michael Giardello

Mike Giardello.

Pembleton

I heard about Gee. I'm sorry.

Michael Giardello

Thanks. For catching the man who killed my father.

Pembleton

I'm good at catching the bad guys. Caught me a couple tonight. A lot of people have worked in this squadroom over the years. A lot of 'em have died. Beau Felton got killed in the line of duty. Steve Crosetti committed suicide. To this day, nobody knows why.

Michael Giardello

Do you miss it? Homicide?

Pembleton

I don't know. It's not like you can escape it, you know. Death is every day. Death goes on and on and on.

Michael Giardello

And that's because life goes on and on.