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Holby City
All S1

S1 E15Unfinished Business

[Connie and Keith Greene are rivals for the Director of Surgery post. Connie has just given a presentation to the Board in which she has tried to take ownership of a new procedure that Elliot and Tara are developing.]

I don't think I've congratulated you on your most inspired pitch to the Board.

Well I'm glad you could catch it.

Of course my strategy is based on showing individual Board members who I really am - the man behind the surgical mask. In fact my brother-in-law was a friend of the Vice Chairman. He plays golf and he's setting up a game for us.

Ah, so that's what they mean by your bunker mentality.

[laughs] Say what you like, Connie. At least I'm not prepared to tread on my colleagues to get to the top. And Mr Hope. Oh dear! Of all people. That's like smacking a puppy on the head with a croquet mallet.

Go to hell, Keith.

[gleefully] Oh yes. You are starting to feel the heat.

Michael wants Connie to come back and work at Holby City, but she won't consider it while Vanessa Lytton still works there.]

I want her on her bloody hands and knees for what she did to me... I want her head on a platter!

[Sacha Levy has just finished a very public phone call to his mother while on duty on the ward. He is now staring at a patient's feet sticking out of her bedsheets.]

It's a foot! I think you'll find her hernia and bowel operation a little further up.

SSacha

You've been to medical school, haven't you? You kept that quiet.

Why don't you carry on trying to work out one end of your patient from the other and I'll deal with the rest of the ward.

SSacha

Oh, thanks. [He looks at the patient's foot.] I'd say that was swollen.

I'd say it needs a good wash.

SSacha

Would you say that was swollen?

NVNicky Van Barr

Maybe. Any blood in the sputum?

SSacha

No.

It's customary here for the doctors to do the diagnosing. Although I'm sure you've already asked for your mother's opinion.

How long is Doctor Doughnut going to be with us?

Sacha? You got a problem with his work?

Yes - he doesn't seem to want to do any!

[Sacha is wiping a patient's vomit off his tie]

[sarcastically] Oh, nice tie. It's an improvement - it matches.

SSacha

Oh, thank you. Shop said it was called a Naylor - comes with or without bile.

[Sacha is checking on a patient]

PSPeggy Seymour

Thief! Thief! Help! Call the police!

[walking past] Probably the reaction most women would have if they found you in their bedroom.

[Donna has just returned to work and learned that Jac is about to donate a kidney to her mother.]

I don't know what's more shocking: the kidney or the fact that Jac was actually born, not just carved out of an iceberg.

It's never going to happen, is it? Mark Williams as CEO. What was he thinking?

Well I imagine he's...

As consultant nurse you can't fault him. But you know what he's done: he's gone looking for his libido and found his ego instead. I don't know why he doesn't do what most middle-aged men do.

Oh, he's tried that. Bought a motorbike.

No, no. I meant, go with a younger woman.

He's tried that too.

Sleeping with the boss will capture the imagination of the hospital.

GGreg

Who’s saying I did?

These things come out. Chin up; could be worse. You could be about to spend the afternoon in mediation with your cheating wife, who no doubt will pull a sad face and tell the lawyers it’s all your fault. ‘Scuse me while I just go and burn myself alive.

I should have checked that she wasn’t pregnant.

FFreda

Yeah, you should have checked. Also, I should be nicer to my mother, and Sasha Levy should lose 10 pounds, and Michael Spence should stop dressing like a cheap pimp from Pechersk.

Good morning!

AAlex

Someone got out of bed on the right side.

Ah well, yes, I tried something new today. Left side instead of right,and it has worked a treat so far: found my car keys immediately, there was no traffic on the road, AND there was no line for the coffee! Better than that, coffee actually tastes halfway decent. Try it!

AAlex

Hmmmmm.

Hmmmm what hmmmm?

AAlex

Hmmmm, what do you want, hmmmm?

Oh yes, I forgot that golden rule, never trust a man who brings you coffee. What do you mean, 'what do I want, hmmm'? I'm having a great day, wanted to spread the joy!

SSahira

How can you eat tomato soup but hate tomatoes?

Well, a tomato pulverised is a tomato punished.

NMNick Mooney

Is that Mr Hansen?

Yes speaking.

NMNick Mooney

Mr Henrik Hansen? Clinical Director? Fellow of the Royal College of Surgeons? And murderer? You’ve got blood on your hands, Hansen – and I’m gonna make you pay.

I see.

NMNick Mooney

I’m gonna kill you.

Well, so I gather from all your calls and emails.

NMNick Mooney

I’m coming for you.

Very good.

NMNick Mooney

Keep looking over your shoulder.

I most surely will. Bye now!

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