My brothers and I are leaving on a six-month loot and pillage of England, and we're looking for a ship with a savage countenance.
Well, Boney, you've come to the right place! I've just the thing - one of our big, BIG sellers! On sale today only, we call it the terrifying King of the Jungle! [reveals a ship with a kitten figurehead]
No, it's a ferocious jungle cat! ROARR!
It's a kitty! I can't invade England with a kitty on the front of my boat!
Are you kidding? This thing will strike terror in their souls! It will send people running!
Only if they're allergic to kitties. I need something fierce!
That's one of those inscrutible little kitty smiles!
[sarcastically] Oh, thinking! Great! "Here come the Vikings, they're going to think us to death! Oh, my brain's filled with thoughts! Run for your lives!"
Now now, Boneless baby, look at those eyes! They say, "I'm angry!" They say, "I'm dangerous!" They say--
They say, "Meow," he's a happy little kitten!
I happen to know he's not the least bit happy. He's actually rather sad.
Oh, even better! "Run everyone! Here come the Sad Kitty Vikings! Look out or we'll depress you! Ooooh!"
Okay, you want something fierce?
Well, that's the concept! Something that'll strike fear and make entire nations surrender and bow to us!
I have just what you're looking for - the dreaded dragon! [reveals a figurehead of a duckling]
Sure it is; a fire-breathing dragon! ROARR!
No it's not, it's a duckie!
Excuse me! Hello? A duckie? Earth to Boneless! That's a fire-breathing dragon!
With a beak and feathers?!
Have you ever seen a real dragon?
They have beaks and feathers!
Not on my ship, they don't!
We have a new design that just came in! We call it, Leader of the Wolfpack! [reveals a figurehead of a puppy] Whaddaya think?
No, it's a wol-uf! Howling at the moon! AH-OOOOOH!
It's a newborn puppy who's just done a naughty! Look, I don't think you're grasping the concept here. I want to soar over the waves with a ferocious figurehead on my ship!
Soar, yes! How about a hawk, vicious, sweeping down for the kill?
There ya go! [reveals a figurehead of a butterfly]
Hmm. Doesn't exactly resemble a hawk, does it?
Sure that's a hawk all right, streaking through the sky! HAWWK! HAWWK!
Don't hawks have sharp talons, you know, CLAWS?
For special occasions, they trim them!
Sure, for formal occasions!
Oh stop! It's not a hawk at all!
Yes, a pretty butterfly, fluttering across the water!
Hmm, hmm... I don't see it.
There's nothing scary here at all, is there?
It's like all your ship's figureheads are being designed by a three-year-old!
Oh, that's just not true!
No! Actually, I don't think he's over twelve months. [camera pans to reveal Big Fat Baby designing figureheads]
