Monroe quotes from Grimm

Nick

[Knocking on door] Monroe, it's Nick. Open up.

Monroe

Maybe I should just get you your own key.

This is insane. Three Blutbaden in a room with one Grimm. And we're all having a little chat. We should be having dinner.

Monroe

He's not that kind.

[Scoffs] There is only one kind.

Nick

Just like there's one kind of Blutbad?

Well, kumbaya. Let's all hold hands.

Hap Lasser

[about Monroe and Nick] Whoa! You guys know each other?

Monroe

We've met.

Hap Lasser

Oh, yeah? Where did you meet? Like, at a party or something? [lowers voice] Oh, wait. You didn't get arrested for doing some of the stuff you used to do, did you?

Monroe

All right. Let's go. Come on. Time to go.

Monroe

You should see me in my Santa suit.

Nick

Yeah, a blutbad as Santa.

Monroe

Hey, I'm pretty good, but it's true. I'm no gefrieren geber.

Nick

Wait a minute. You're telling me that Santa Claus is a...?

Monroe

Well, think about it. I mean, who else could live up there?

Monroe

Here we go. A knochen hof.

Nick

Let me guess. "Bone yard."

Monroe

Literally speaking, yes. But there's a spiritual meaning. We've taken a life to sustain life. And the sacrifice has to be honored. You know, before digestion begins.

Nick

You got something.

Monroe

Just give me a second, OK?

Nick

What is it?

Monroe

[excited] Burdock root! I haven't seen this stuff since I was a kid in Scouts. Oh, my God. Yeah, it's a pain-killer. It's like aspirin, you chew on the root. It's also a fine diuretic. [Nick gives him a look] But I digress.

Monroe

[answers phone] This is awfully early.

Nick

Can you trace an antique watch?

Monroe

Wow. You're actually calling me for what I do. I might have to charge you for this.

Nick

He's after Hank.

Monroe

Hank? Why?

Nick

He put him in prison.

Monroe

Oh, yeah, that'll do it. These guys carry grudges to the grave. And usually it's your grave.

Nick

You ever seen one of these? [Shows Monroe a drawing]

Monroe

A Mauzhertz. Pretty favorable likeness actually, given the subject.

Nick

Well, I think I saw one and he could be involved in a murder.

Monroe

There's a reason you people never wrote about them. They never do anything worth writing about. This whole cartoon thing they got going, such a racket.

Nick

So they're harmless?

Monroe

Yeah. I mean you say "Boo" and they scurry off to their safety zones. They're very predictable that way.

Nick

What about a Lausenschlange?

Monroe

Lausenschlange? You saw a snake dude and lived to tell about it? Let me tell you, what you don't want to do is leave a Lausenschlange alone with a Mauzhertz. That is a recipe for dessert.

Monroe

You start messing with the status quo, there are some people who might not be exactly sanguine about that. And what I am doing with you is definitely messing with the status quo.

Nick

I'm not going to ask for any more of your help.

Monroe

Screw that. I'm not running. You ask me for all the help you need. I've never been much of a status quo kind of guy. And next time, we'll be ready for them.

Monroe

What's my favorite color?

Nick

What?

Monroe

You know, you never ask me about anything else. Like sports or music or who the hottest Bond babe was. You know, like normal conversation. Just saying. Be nice to switch it up once and a while, you know.

Nick

Well, what's your favorite color?

Monroe

You don't mean that.

Nick

No, really, I want to know.

Monroe

Red

Nick

Well, I feel so much closer to you now.

Nick

Haven't you ever had to explain who you are to anyone?

Monroe

You mean, like, a normal person? No. There's no good outcome to that. Either they believe you and think they're crazy or, far more likely, they don't believe you and they think you're crazy. Either way, it puts a strain on a relationship.

Monroe

You caught me making some bauernwurst. I was feeling sort of homesick. My mom used to make this stuff all the time. Want some?

Nick

Who's in it?

Monroe

Okay, when my ma used to make it, she stuffed it with, you know, whatever, whoever was around.

Nick

Yeah, I think I'll pass.

Nick

Two Eisbiber kids egged my house last night.

Monroe

You're the monster under the bed. I think some Wesen found out you're a Grimm and they're curious.

Nick

What's a Wesen?

Monroe

You know, Blutbaden, Fuchsbau, Wildschwein, those of us the Grimms have been trying to eradicate for centuries.

Nick

You know, I'm not like that.

Monroe

Dude, join the misunderstood. Try telling people I don't eat meat.

Nick

What is this place?

Monroe

It's a Klosterhaus. A retirement/monastic retreat home for Wesen.

Nick

You guys have your own rest homes?

Monroe

Yeah. We're not savages. Except for Schneetmachers.

Nick

Noted.