Mark Sloan quotes from Grey's Anatomy

Mark

Dr. Hahn, I heard a crazy rumor about you.

Erica

That I'm performing open-heart surgery on a man who's wide awake?

Mark

That's the rumor.

Erica

That's the truth.

Derek

Well, I perform awake brain surgery all the time.

Not the same thing.

Mark

You ever heard of a gentlemen's evening?

Erica

I'm sorry?

Derek

The chief is hosting a gentlemen's evening.

Mark

We're pretty sure it doesn't involve porn, but, you know, we want to be sure.

Derek

Right.

Erica

Are you two a couple?

No.

Erica

Just checking. [walks away]

Derek

Why would she ask that?

Mark

I don't know.

Bailey

[to all the nurses who boycotted Mark's surgeries] This boycott has gone on long enough. Now, OK, I have no authority here, but I would like to offer my thoughts on Dr. Sloan.

Mark

[whispers to Miranda] You're doing great.

Miranda

Uh, this man is a whore, has always been a whore, will probably always be a whore. But, I mean, that's not a secret. He's not keeping it hidden. You all knew who he was before you got involved with him. And now you want to be all "woe is me, he doesn't call me back, he's dating other women." He's nasty, and that's not just you, he's sleeping with other doctors and orderlies and... cafeteria workers. But he's a doctor here and a pretty good one. So let us all close our knees and get back to our jobs so he can get back to his job and help the people that really need it.

Mark

The most refined, professional, lady-like doctor in this hospital came to my defense tonight. Best she could come up with was "he's a whore." [looks at Derek forlornly] I'm a whore.

Derek

I slept with her [Rose]. The whole time, I was thinking about Meredith. Who's the bigger whore?

Mark

I tried to change, turn over a new leaf. But the leaf isn't turning.

Webber

You weren't ready to change. And that's okay. Adele wanted me to change, to retire. Well, I'm still the chief and this weekend, I'm moving back home.

Derek

Does Adele know that?

Webber

Oh, she'll be fine. She was wrong. I was right. And now we're––

Mark

Doing it like bunnies. [mutters to himself] I can't change. I can't change. I can't change.

Webber

Be who you are. I am who I am. A man.

Mark

A man. [Derek shakes his head in amusement] I have a way about me. A man who is who he is. I have a right to be that man.

Derek

[shakes his head] Tsk. I'm not gonna say anything. No judgement. [looks at Mark] The man you are: you slept with my wife. [looks at Richard] And you: you've been on my land for six months. But I've got no judgement.

Mark

Humiliating.

Derek

Yeah.

Mark

12? You're the best neurosurgeon in the country.

Derek

Thank you.

Mark

In the world. [Derek looks at him] Don't you want to say anything nice about me?

Derek

Uh, you're the best plastics guy at Seattle Grace.

Mark

[sarcastically] Nice, really nice.

Derek

Don't force me to praise you.

Mark

[to Lexie, at the bar] Photographic memory, huh? [pause] Periodic table. Go.

Lexie

Hydrogen, helium, lithium, beryllium, boron, carbon, nitrogen, oxygen, fluorine, neon, sodium, magnesium, aluminum, silicon, phosphorus, sulfur. I can keep going.

Izzie

[seethes] You son of a bitch.

Alex

[smirks] Go cry to somebody who cares.

Izzie

This is my case. It isn't fair.

Mark

Surgery's like the Wild West. You didn't get your claim in Montana from the bank. You got it 'cause you put a fence around it and shot the ass off anyone who walked by. Karev's a cowboy. You're not.

Derek

I'm gonna yell at the major general. Wanna come?

Mark

Hell yeah. Be right there.

Derek

Hey Torres.

Callie

[from under the covers] Hey.

Derek

I need you to have sex with Cristina Yang.

Mark

Good morning.

Derek

Distract her, engage her, give her something to do after midnight besides call my girlfriend and wake me up.

Mark

Yang?

Derek

Mm-hmm.

Mark

No. No, Too serious, humorless, un-fun. Not my type.

Derek

Yang should be your type. She's intense, intelligent, complicated. She's like a single malt scotch and you're used to beer bongs.

Mark

Callie Torres is no beer bong.

Derek

Oh no, wait a minute, I get it. You don't think you have a shot. You're probably right.

Mark

Oh, I have a shot.

Derek

Then try it as a favor.

Mark

No. I'm not your stud horse. You can't just... tell me who to sleep with.

Derek

You slept with my wife.

Mark

Yeah, I'll give it a shot.

Derek

[Meredith has asked Derek to talk to Mark about staying away from Lexie] Little Sloan does not enter Little Grey. Are we clear?

Mark

Did you just say...

Derek

Mmmhmmm.

Mark

Okay, that's just creepy and inaccurate. Big Sloan.

Mark

Why do you have to live in Meredith's attic? How am I supposed to sneak out of here with that frat party going on downstairs? Don't you kids ever sleep?

Lexie

They're cleaning the house for Dr. Shepherd's mother.

Mark

Mrs. Shepherd's coming... to Seattle?

Lexie

So?

Mark

So that woman practically raised me, taught me right from wrong. If she found that I was... with you, that we were... You're Meredith Grey's little sister. You are forbidden fruit. You are twenty-five. You're a fetus.

Lexie

Twenty-four. I skipped third grade.

Mark

I feel dirty.

Mark

Pain and agony for a little bit of pleasure, I get it.

Callie

If that's bad, why don't you stop sl— doing what you're doing.

Mark

Because it doesn't feel bad when I'm... doing it. It's good. It's great. And maybe if you weren't so scared of getting burnt you'd feel the same.

Callie

You know, I used to walk tall around here. I used to walk tall. And then came George. He took off at least an inch, and Erica went and left me that shaved off a few more. I got shorter. All that humiliation, it makes you shorter, so yeah, I am scared of getting hurt, because one more personal disaster right now would cut me off at the knees.

Derek

She said a thing about babies. Like babies are a totally ordinary idea. She's not afraid, she's ready.

Mark

When are you gonna do it?

Webber

Do what?

Mark

Shepherd's proposing.

Webber

No kidding? Outstanding! How're you gonna do it?

Derek

I don't know. Just decided.

Owen

Morning.

Mark

Shepherd's proposing.

Owen

Congratulations, that's a big step.

Derek

Thank you very much. [to Mark] You just gonna tell everybody now?

Mark

You need advice. Hunt, you ever proposed before?

Owen

Uh sorry I'm... not the guy to ask. When are you gonna do it?

Derek

Well more importantly how am I gonna do it?

Mark

:[sees Meredith, coughs] So, what do you use, like a twist drill for that?

Derek

Well not if you don't want a partial, pridal hematoma!

Meredith

[confused] Hi... [walks away]

Webber

We'll be out of here in plenty of time for the wedding.

Mark

Good. Then she won't have any excuses.

Meredith

Excuse me?

Mark

This is the second time I've been Derek's best man. I have to come up with a toast, offer some words of wisdom. It's a lot of work. I don't want to have to be his best man a third time if you know what I mean.

Meredith

So you came in here to threaten me?

Mark

I'm his best man. That's my job.

Meredith

He wrote in my hand

What do you mean he wrote in your hand?

Meredith

He just grabbed my hand, and he squeezed it and he wrote with his finger.

Derek

He wrote with his finger?

Meredith

You know in my hand, he wrote 007.

Bailey

[grabs Meredith's hand and proceeds to write on it using her finger] Okay, what did I write?

Meredith

Joe?

Bailey

N! I did not write JOE!

Cristina

Are you serious!

Webber

You mean this might not be O'Malley?

Mark

This is funny.

Webber

Did anybody try to phone O'Malleyf? Can we get him on the phone?

Meredith

I'm telling you he squeezed my hand.

Bailey

[hushes Meredith] Shut it! You don't get to talk anymore! You don't get to talk ever again!

Meredith

I could have sworn it was George.