Garth Marenghi's Darkplace · Season 1
(Picks up phone) Uh-huh. Bye! (puts phone down) Good gravy! A small bunch of objects are flying of their own accord in E Wing. (Picks up phone, then puts it down immediately) And apparently more objects are heading this way! (looks at phone, stuttering) Good...bye.
Flying objects? It beggars belief!
Of course! That's why these attacks are mysterious they're not conventional attacks.
What is it?
I've got two words for you Sanch, "telly kinesis"
An eagle-eyed viewer might be able to see the wires. A pedant, might be able to see the wires. But I think if you're looking at the wires you're ignoring the story. If you go to a puppet show you can see the wires. But it's about the puppets, it's not about the string. If you go to a Punch & Judy show and you're only watching the wires, you're a freak.
Yeah, it's me Dag, I'm in a dead-end. I've been cornered by some cutlery. I think I can take them. A whisk, a tin opener, and a spatula. Yeah, I'll take the whisk out first and hold them off as long as I can. (The whisk attacks him) Argh! I'm hit! I'm down, yeah, got me in the leg. They'll be after you next, bye! (Sanchez adopts a martial arts stance) Let's do this!
I ran the only way I knew how. By placing one leg in front of the other in quick succession. I had to help Reed, trapped in his office by a desk he could no longer trust. I had to help Sanchez, locked in a primal struggle 'twixt man and whisk. And I had to help the Temp, who was probably doing some filing or data entry. I pressed on, chased by a staple that had my name on it. This was unbelievable, Liz was now turning my own stationery against me.
Liz, hide your shame.
What's your name, son?
(dying) Clive.
That's a strange name for an American.
I'm from Bermuda.
Ohhh, that explains it: British principality.
It's actually a dependent territory.
What's that?
The queen appoints a governor in charge of internal security and external defence, but she's still the de facto sovereign.
We have so much to teach each other.
I s'pose I owe you all an apology. And Sanch?
Yes Liz?
Thanks for the lobotomy.
Not a problem. The procedure to extract psycho-kinetic ability is in its infancy, though surprisingly simple all the same.
I guess being told I couldn't get a chicken supper was the straw that broke this camel's back. It was unprofessional and girlish, it won't happen again. Buns?
I just can't believe the Temp is dead
It's alright Rick, we'll get another one.
C'mon Dag, what say I buy us all a drink down the drip?
I'd appreciate that, I could use a drink.
As long as it's not a screwdriver! [In reference to her killing the temp by stabbing him with screwdrivers psycho-kinetically]
[They all laugh]
Yes! I'd prefer a beer!
[They all laugh even more]
I think what this episode shows above all is that the human spirit cannot be overcome. You know, as a writer, if you took away my paper, I would write on my heart. If you take away my ink, I'd write on the wind. (Pauses) It wouldn't be an ideal way to work.
We'd seen a new side to Liz. "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned." They can get upset at the slightest thing: whether it's forgetting to acknowledge them in front of your friends or dividing a restaurant bill in proportion to the amount of food ordered by each party, which is only fair. I had to change. Tomorrow I'd tell her she's lost weight or I like what she's done to her hair. Whichever seemed the most plausible.
(sitting at his desk, reading from one of his novels Tomb Boy) Tina screamed for nurse. But Little Miss Nurse didn't come. Little Miss Nurse was out in the backroom having a cigarette and flirting with doctor. The pain shot through her like a big bullet. She knew babies were meant to kick, but were they meant to scratch? No, they weren't.
(singing) Day draws into nightfall, yonder stars shine bright.You can be my baby, I hope that is alright.
(singing) Daddy, don't forget me.
(singing) I haven't' but you're dead. You have a little brother now. And someday we'll all meet. In Valhalla.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Garth Marenghi's Darkplace pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
