Roz, why is it that whenever we try to have a serious discussion, we always end up talking about your sex life?
[smugly] Because I have one.
S1 E11Death Becomes Him
[It seems that Doctor Newman was both healthy and in good shape when he died]
AAllen
Did you know he had less than 10 percent body fat on him?
My goodness. Has anybody checked to see if he's really dead?
S1 E12Miracle on Third or Fourth Street
[As Frasier presents the Christmas Day show, more and more depressing tales of woe are heard.]
CCaller
I remember that Christmas when I ran into my mother's room, tears streaming down my face, and I said "Mummy, Mummy, the puppy Santa gave me won't wake up."
I promised my Uncle Jackie I'd fly down to San Francisco to be with him.
Well, I guess you should be with your family at this time of year, it's more traditional.
Except that Jackie's a transvestite. Getting a bit long in the tooth for it too, if you ask me. Last Thanksgiving he ate too much turkey and I had to cut him out of his pantyhose.
S1 E13Guess Who's Coming to Breakfast
I'm having a young lady over on Friday night. I was hoping that maybe you could take Dad out for me.
Oh, I wish you'd said Saturday.
Why? You have plans Friday?
No, I have plans Saturday.
Hey, for your information, people of our generation think sex is a private thing. And I still think that's a pretty healthy way of looking at it. Sex is something between you and the person you're doing it to!
S1 E14Can't Buy Me Love
[about Maris] She's been afraid to fly since her harrowing incident.
Oh, dear... Did a plane almost crash?
No, she was bumped from first class. She still wakes up screaming.
Hey, T.J.! How was it, man?
TJT.J. Smith
It was horrible! They're like sharks in a feeding frenzy! The one who bought me had this crazed look in her eye!
[Roz walks in]
Where do I pay?
Roz!
I saw what I wanted and I went after it!
S1 E15You Can't Tell a Crook By His Cover
[showing Martin around the station] Now, don't touch that! It's a very sophisticated piece of electronic equipment!
What is it?
I have no idea. Roz told me never to touch it!
My taekwondo instructor says I'm just two moves away from becoming quite threatening.
S1 E16The Show Where Lilith Comes Back
[Lilith is criticising Frasier's advice on air]
Well, Seattle, we have a celebrity of sorts on the line. This is my ex-wife, Lilith.
What do you mean by "celebrity"?
[darkly] Oh, they know you!
[Frasier is very annoyed that Roz has put Lilith's call through on his show]
Roz, what exactly does "call screening" mean?
[smugly] It means I get to put on the air the calls I want to hear.
Do you wanna bag dinner?
There's a bed and an honor bar, what more do we need?
Come to me, my white-hot flame!
[Lilith jumps into Frasier's arms, and he carries her to the bed behind them.]
I was insane to divorce you!
You're in my every waking thought!
You're the only man I've ever loved!
So are you!
S1 E17A Mid-Winter Night's Dream
[Daphne offers to cook for Niles and Maris]
Just bear in mind: she can't have shellfish, poultry, red meat, saturated fats, nitrates, wheat, starch, sulphites, MSG or dairy... Did I say nuts?
Oh, I think that's implied!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.