How can anyone make a sound judgement about another person on the basis of one phone call?
[looks back] Remind me again what it is you do for a living.
S1 E5Here's Looking At You
S1 E6The Crucible
By the way, where's Maris? I haven't seen her all night.
She's on your bed.
My bed?
Yes, she's asleep under the guests' coats. She exhausts easily under the pressure to be interesting.
God, I hate lawyers.
Me, too. But they make wonderful patients. They have excellent health insurance and they never get better.
S1 E7Call Me Irresponsible
[Catherine is crying]
Oh, no, no, no, don't cry. You're in a place of business here.
CCatherine
Your wife is really lucky.
Well, I'm sure she'd say the same thing, especially now that our marriage is over.
My grandfather used to nap every afternoon. He lived to be 93.
Really?
He'd lie there on the sofa and you couldn't wake him for the world. Grammy would say: "He might as well be a dead man." Then, of course, one day we couldn't wake him. He really was a dead man. Poor Grammy. For weeks, she kept insisting: "He's napping, he's napping."
[Martin and Daphne are singing Deck the Halls]
Excuse me, excuse me. Exactly how long have I been asleep?
S1 E8Beloved Infidel
[Dinner with Niles holds several surprises]
You know, Niles, maybe you should have that Martini after all.
I can't, Frasier; I'm driving.
[still reading the menu] Not any more; they just towed your car.
Working down at the docks has always been a tradition for us Moons. My father worked on the docks, and me grandfather before him. All my brothers do. Well, except for my brother Billy. He came home one day, and announced he hated the smell of fish and was going to teach ballroom dancing. And he did. And he does. He's my mum's favorite. Dad mostly flicks the crust off his kidney pie at him.
S1 E9Selling Out
The thought of a doctor selling things is kind of distasteful, isn't it?
What about Dr Sneezy's cold medicine?
Dr Sneezy is a cartoon character. The fact that he's a giant purple hippopotamus probably should have tipped you off.
[On the subject of a film (likely to have been Basic Instinct)]
Have you seen that movie? Maris and I rented the video. I don't mind telling you we pushed our beds together that night! And that was no mean feat; her room, as you know, is across the hall!
[to a caller] Roger, at Cornell University they have an incredible piece of scientific equipment known as the tunneling electron microscope. Now, this microscope is so powerful that by firing electrons you can actually see images of the atom, the infinitesimally minute building block of our universe. Roger, if I were using that microscope right now, I still wouldn't be able to locate my interest in your problem. Thank you for your call.
Let's face it, Frasier, you talk about wanting to safeguard your professional dignity, but the first time you went on the air, you got out of medicine and into show biz. You're no different from that movie star who let everybody look up her skirt in that film, and then did nothing but complain that nobody took her seriously as an actress.
Well, that has nothing to do with this!
Have you seen that movie? Maris and I rented the video and, I don't mind telling you, we pushed our beds together that night! [pause] And that was no mean feat. Her room, as you know, is across the hall.
S1 E10Oops!
I really must go. I'm hosting a seminar on multiple personality disorders and it takes me forever to fill out the name tags.
Oh my God! This is unbelievable! A man has quit his job because of a rumor that you spread!
Me? The whole point of gossip is to talk behind the person's back, not in front of them; I didn't realize you were unclear on this concept!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Frasier pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.