TV show quotes
[pointing at two different phones on Rundle's desk] This one calls an ambulance, that one calls the hearse. I'm going to ask you again, and depending on the answer, I pick up this [points at the first phone], or that [points at the second phone]. Who do I talk to in Fargo?
[cut to Malvo departing Rundle's office; as he walks towards his car, a woman is heard screaming from inside the office]
The file room. A room with files. Say you took one of them out.
Took it where?
Doesn't matter. Let's say you took one of the files out. Is it still the file room?
Now I'm saying that you and I both agree that the file room minus one file is still the file room. Now, let's say you took another one out, and then another. If the file room minus one file is still the file room, and you keep subtracting one at a time, you could end up with zero files. I'm saying logically. Or even negative files, and it would still...
How do you have negative files?
No, I'm just, logically I'm saying. 'Cept no one is taking files, they just bring more.
What about a cemetery? I mean, remove one body from a cemetery, it's still a cemetery, but a cemetery with no bodies, what's that?
Condos.
[to Mr. Wrench] I watched a bear once. His leg was in a steel trap. It chewed through bloody bone to get free. It was in Alaska. Died about an hour later facedown in a stream. But it was on his own terms, you know? You got close. Closer than anybody else. I don't know if it was you or your partner, but look. If you still feel raw about things when you heal up, come see me.
Heard you got some flowers.
Some people do love to flap their lips.
More than once what I heard.
Well, there's a suitor is all I'm prepared to say.
Vern was so bad at courtship. One time, he gave me a bouquet of poison ivy. Picked it himself.
He's up in Duluth, my gentleman. Has a daughter.
What's his name?
I call him Sergio. He's a pirate I think.
Very funny, you.
Look, you can't... that's just how it is, sometimes. Life. You know, you go to bed unsatisfied. They're calling the lottery numbers on the TV and you get the first few and already in your mind you're buying a jet or a fjord or whatever, but it's just not meant to be. It's just not meant to be.
You know, you can go through your whole life without a care, and one day it all changes. People die. They lose their homes. They go to prison. It's calamity, huh? I know it, 'cause I lived it. And if this year has taught me anything-- and believe me, I've seen it all-- it's that the worst does happen. And you need to be insured.
I'm not afraid to admit it. Well, she's something else, that Jemma. Just between us girls, that body, is it... I mean... What's she like in the sack?
Hellcat. It's the only word for it.
Shit. Yeah. Weezy's basically a Jew in the bedroom.
Oh, you mean she wears a wig, makes you do it through a hole in the sheet, yeah.
No. No, no. She stopped putting it in her mouth soon as the ring went on her finger.
Well, that's a national tragedy, Burt.
Hey, um, go fishing later?
You're the granddaughter I always wanted but was afraid to buy online.
Oh, mick mike. I just keep pinching myself.
Well, honey, you've earned it. It's like my mama always said, "boys, if you like the milk, buy the freakin' cow."
Oh, that's so sweet. Well, I am gonna stick my whole thumb up your ass later.
Aces.
[after shooting three people] This one's on you. I worked this guy for six months, Lester. Six months. Can you imagine the number of sewer mouths I put my hands in? The gallons of human spit? Plus the hundred thousand ballot down the toilet, but still, the look on his face when I pulled the gun? Classic, huh?
Had a case once, back in '79. I'd tell you the details, but it'd sound like I made 'em up. Madness, really.
Bodies?
Yes, sir. One after another. Probably, if you stacked 'em high, could've climbed to the second floor. Now, I saw something that year I ain't ever seen, before or since. I'd call it animal. Except animals only kill for food. This was-- Sioux Falls. Ever been?
Went to Sioux City once back in my scandalous days. But anyway, you didn't answer my question there.
Well, I'll tell you what. You, uh-- you leave me your number. I'll make sure Lester gets it next time he comes in.
Well, that's a solid offer, friend, but like I said, I'm just passing through. Thanks for the pie and the coffee. Haven't had a piece of pie like that since the Garden of Eden.
MY WIFE IS DEAD! And there are arrangements to see to. So you can either lock me up or let me go.
[on Lorne Malvo] He's not gonna stop. You know that. A man like that... maybe not even a man.
You know, I'm not sure what you've had against me since day one. But I'm not the person you think I am, this, this kind of monster.
There was a fella once. Running for a train. And he's carrying a pair of gloves, this man. And he loses a glove on the platform. But he doesn't notice. And then later on, he's on the train sitting by the window, and he realises that he's just got this one glove left. But the train's already started pulling out of the station. So what does he do? He opens the window and he drops the other glove on to the platform. Now whoever finds the first glove can just have the pair.
So, what are you telling me?
Goodbye, Mr. Nygaard.
Goodbye, Deputy.
[to Molly] I used to have positive opinions about the world, you know, about people. Used to think the best. Now I'm looking over my shoulder. An unquiet mind, that's what the wife calls it. The job has got me staring into the fireplace, drinking. I never wanted to be the type to think big thoughts about the nature of things and...all I ever wanted was a stack of pancakes and a v8.
I figured it out.
Good for you.
Your riddle-- shades of green. I figured it out.
[irritated] And?
[Gus kills Malvo]
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Fargo pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
