This is kind of embarrassing, but sometimes I wake up in the morning fully tented. Any advice?
JBDr. Joyce Brothers
Well, at your age, consider yourself lucky.
How fucking old do you think I am?
S2 E8Oh Mandy
S2 E9I Love You Too
[Turtle frets over seeing Ari give Drama Clippers tickets instead of U2 concert tickets for his birthday]
Jesus Christ, Ari Gold, you just got demoted to Silver.
[At the San Diego Comic Con, E and Turtle has failed to convince RJ Spencer to drop his plans to slam Vince over his website]
JJJesse Jane
[seeing Spencer walk away upon being threatened by Turtle] What the fuck is his problem?
EE
He hates Vince. He's gonna trash him on his website, saying he's gonna make a shitty Aquaman.
JJane
Why? Vince would make an adorable Aquaman.
EE
You should tell him that.
Yeah sweetie, you should. If Aquaman is in trouble, and the fate of the land and all mankind is in his hands, he should unleash the power of the pussy.
JJane
Don't bullshit me, tough guy. If I do it, I'll do it because I like Vince.
S2 E10The Bat Mitzvah
[Ari confronts Terrence McQuewick over his attempt to get Vince as a client.]
Vince is my client. I took him from nothing, alright, and now he is on the cusp. I ain't sharing him.
TTerrence
You know when I started this company in 1971, my mantra was, "Every client should be represented by every agent in the building." And yes alright, technically, he is your client, but this is my agency.
And I'm a fucking partner.
TTerrence
I've had more than a few partners. Not all of them have lasted. Enjoy your evening. [leaves]
[Drama tries to talk two kids out of asking for a cigarette lighter]
One day you're lighting up in front of a dozen adults at a Bat Mitzvah, the next you're cruisin' Santa Monica Boulevard offering handjobs for a crack rock.
KKid
Which one of you did that? [Drama looks guilty.]
S2 E11Blue Balls Lagoon
I remember I broke up with Stacy Laruzzo a week before Valentine's Day. I got back with her a week after. No chocolates, no roses...
No class.
[talking about picking up where he and Mandy Moore left off] We look at it like we've been dating for five years with a four and a half-year break.
S2 E12Good Morning, Saigon
[The gang just got back the Maserati]
I'm telling you, once your car's been stolen, it never runs the same again. It's like a guy sleeping with your girl. He leaves his mark all over her.
[Vince is not happy with a supposed revelation from James Cameron about being replaced in Aquaman because of co-star Mandy Moore]
He didn't call?
No, he did not call.
Jesus Christ!
[to Ari] No, you're fucking pathological.
Listen. Read Jack Welch, Tony Robbins, Phil Jackson. Motivation! This shit works! You want to be Shaq or Kobe? Michael or Scotty? Damon or Affleck?
[angrily] Ari, do you want to be out of our lives, man, 'cause this could seriously be the end of you.
I am your biggest fan, I think you are this close to being the biggest movie star on the planet but you are slipping...over a girl? I've never seen you like this before and it worries me.
Well, worry about yourself, he's fine.
No, E...he's right to worry about me, I mean you both are, fuck! I'm worried about me. I mean, look at me, I've been lying to you guys like a fuckin' drug addict. I didn't oversleep, I didn't want to go, I never want to leave her side, not for five seconds. I've never been like this in my life, guys. And the truth of the matter is, I don't give a fuck about the movie anymore. I could live with Mandy in a one-bedroom in Chatsworth and I'd be happy. I mean it's nuts, but it's the truth.
Vinny...
Ari, there's nothing more to say, I'm sorry I lied. [leaves with E]
S2 E13Exodus
[Having been unmasked over the Tsetse Fly Elite Eight plan, Ari is publicly humiliated by Terrance]
TMTerrance McQuewick
[claps] People! We have a traitor in our midst. Let this be a lesson to all of you.
You're making a very big mistake, Terrance.
TTerrance
Oh, that's what Arthur Jensen said in 1973. He was the first conspirator that I ever dealt with. Try finding him now, Ari. He's now selling auto insurance in Reseda.
Okay people, most of you are sitting there and you're looking at this good-looking old man thinking "Who the fuck is he?" And you know what, that's exactly what you should be doing. You will all know who's been running this company for the past eight years, and you all know, when I go, in no time, you will be repping nobodies like Bill from The Apprentice. No one needs to make a decision right now. I will be starting my own agency. Two very important goals will apply: to make everyone who is in at the ground floor rich, and to burn this motherfucking place to the ground! Lloyd, are you with me? [Lloyd remains silent. Ari approaches him] Lloyd, what are you doing? You and me we have a special bond. Come on, let's go.
Ari, swear to me that you will never again say anything offensive to me about my race or my sexual orientation.
I can't swear to that, but I promise I will always apologize after.
He cries in front of her, shows her he's sensitive... bang! He moves right in.
Yeah. His tears will basically act as a lubricant.
S2 E14The Abyss
[Lloyd notices Ari's angry face after leaving Vince's Malibu house]
How'd it go?
How'd the fucking Bay of Pigs go, Lloyd?
[Drama finally confronts Adam Davies over why he is avoiding his calls.]
Are you my agent or not?
DDavies
You were a family deal, Johnny. If Vince isn't a client, I'm afraid you're not a client.
PSPauly Shore
[laughs] Karma is a bitch! [referring to how Drama got him banned from the Playboy Mansion. Drama tries to punch Davies but Turtle holds him back] We're in a fucking meeting, man.
You promised me something I would steal. [gets Davies' office TV]
SShore
Taking his TV, what're you a fucking Surreal Life cast member, you freak? [laughs]
[to Davies] I'll see you on the outside! [marches out of office]
SShore
Get a life, loser boy!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Entourage pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.