Joan Watson quotes from Elementary

Dr. Joan Watson

You read it.

Sherlock Holmes

I did.

Dr. Joan Watson

You're not mad?

Sherlock Holmes

Should I be?

Dr. Joan Watson

Of course you should, you're you!

Dr. Joan Watson

Then why did you just give her two bugs? You know she's not going to say anything incriminating when she's around them.

Sherlock Holmes

Actually, Watson, only one of them was a bug. The other was a flash bang.

Dr. Joan Watson

You gave her a bomb?!

Sherlock Holmes

It was a very small bomb, with a very big bang.

Sherlock Holmes

Should I sit on the bride's side or the groom's?

Dr. Joan Watson

Excuse me?

Sherlock Holmes

Your upcoming nuptials with Detective Bell. I assume the workout which sent you to the shower foretells that happy day.

Dr. Joan Watson

What are you talking about?

Sherlock Holmes

I'm well aware you have an enlightened attitude when it comes to the hedonic arts, but Marcus is a cautious, conservative man when it comes to affairs of the heart. If he's embarked upon a physical relationship with a co-worker, it must be that serious.

Dr. Joan Watson

Marcus was here, I took a shower, so obviously we are secret lovers.

Dr. Joan Watson

You know you could have told me that you like her.

Sherlock Holmes

Beg your pardon?

Dr. Joan Watson

You like her.

Sherlock Holmes

Yes, I like Fiona. She's compulsively honest and congenitally unpretentious.

Dr. Joan Watson

And pretty.

Sherlock Holmes

What are you getting at?

Dr. Joan Watson

You like her as in LIKE like.

Sherlock Holmes

You're suggesting a romantic interest. More specifically you're suggesting a romantic interest in the vernacular of a prepubescent child.

Dr. Joan Watson

This is the book you loaned her. She wanted me to give it back to you.

Sherlock Holmes

So...?

Dr. Joan Watson

So... Hundreds of books in the house. How many volumes of poetry? Zero. You bought it for her.

Sherlock Holmes

Bought it to lend it.

Dr. Joan Watson

You like someone, that's amazing!

Sherlock Holmes

I like many women, often two at a time, you know that.

Dr. Joan Watson

No, this is not about sex. You really like her.

Sherlock Holmes

Stop using that word!

Dr. Joan Watson

So we have some time to talk.

Sherlock Holmes

About what?

Dr. Joan Watson

About the AwayKay next door and how the whole thing is your fault.

Dr. Joan Watson

He was afraid of you!

Sherlock Holmes

Did I threaten him?

Dr. Joan Watson

You don't even remember if you threatened him.

Sherlock Holmes

I was on drugs!

Dr. Joan Watson

You are the one who makes all the noise!

Sherlock Holmes

And you're the one who never stops me.

Dr. Joan Watson

Well, I am sorry that I accused you of arson.

Sherlock Holmes

Well, I was the obvious suspect.

"The Keep." The very pinnacle in luxury doomsday bunkers. Built inside a decommissioned Cold War stronghold at a secret location just outside the city. Owned and operated by this man, Ronnie Wright - ex-Marine, survival expert, huckster. His sales pitch touts not only the site's security, but also the exclusivity of its members.

Watson

It is pretty swanky.

If you're keen on spending eternity buried alive with a group so narcissistic they think that outliving humanity is a good idea. I'd rather melt with the masses and get it over with, wouldn't you?

Watson

It's not how I pictured prepping. I mean, when you say survivalists, I see bearded guys wearing gas masks digging holes in their backyards to build shelters.

That's the garden-variety prepper. The Keep caters to a uniquely vile subset: the wealthy prepper. Along with the myriad doomsday scenarios that haunt ordinary preppers - global pandemic, nuclear holocaust, socialist zombies coming to eat their guns - the wealthy ones also worry that the poor are going to rise up with torches and pitchforks. Which, one could argue, wouldn't be the worst thing in the world.

Sherlock Holmes

If someone is, say, a cannibal serial killer, that's not enough to call them crazy. As long as you know that eating and killing your victims is wrong, you're considered sane in the eyes of the law.

That's what the law says.

Dr. Joan Watson

In the work that Dr. Naylor did for you, did the name Morland Holmes ever come up?

Holmes? Related to you?

Sherlock Holmes

That's what the law says.

Sherlock Holmes

She hoped that her data would be used by the courts to create standardized sentencing guidelines.

Dr. Joan Watson

Do you think this has something to do with why she was murdered?

Sherlock Holmes

The study did earn Dr. Naylor her share of detractors. Wealth and race presently play a far greater role in sentencing than anyone would care to admit. Now any attempt to change that represents a seismic upsetting of the applecart, and it's easy to imagine any number of Father's cronies liking the applecart just the way it is.

Sherlock Holmes

I don't know why I didn't see it sooner.

Dr. Joan Watson

See what?

Sherlock Holmes

The hiring of psychopaths, the machinations, the manipulation of world events....We've dealt with this organization before, Watson. It was run by Moriarity.

Dr. Joan Watson

Are you talking to me?

Sherlock Holmes

You left?

Dr. Joan Watson

Well, you hadn't said anything to me in almost an hour.

Dr. Joan Watson

What just happened?

Sherlock Holmes

I just disarmed the bomb.

Dr. Joan Watson

But you didn't pick a wire, you ju--

Sherlock Holmes

Despite the plots of the many movies you tell me are good which are in fact not good, bomb-makers don't build tests of electrical-engineering skill, they build devices that go bang.

Sherlock Holmes

We find the dissenter, propose an alliance.

Dr. Joan Watson

With the person who just tried to blow us up?

Sherlock Holmes

The enemy of my enemy, Watson.

Sherlock Holmes

Do you think your sister will help us sell the place?

Dr. Joan Watson

We can ask her over dinner. We should ask Marcus to join, too....He's single, and so is Lin.

Sherlock Holmes

And to think that my father thought that I was the greatest threat to our circle of friends.