Holmes quotes from Elementary

Victims of horrific abuse are often protective of their abusers. It doesn't mean we should send them back for seconds.

Before you say anything, I would like to remind you that I'm holding an ax.

If I were you, I wouldn't be upset that a dirty movie was produced in my home. I would be upset that it was produced so sloppily. And if you haven't already, I strongly recommend that you find yourself a new spatula.

In the meantime, you should expect more guerilla-style tests of your ability to fight back!

(evil smile) You have been warned.

The human face, Watson, is like the penis, or so said the great personality theorist Silvan Tomkins. The point being, the face, like the male member, has a mind of its own. It betrays us on an almost daily basis, advertises our secrets to those who know what to look for.

Have I told you how distracting I find self-doubt? If you're going to wallow, you'll have to do it in the privacy of your own room.

I have a particular disdain for blackmailers. They are, in some respects, more despicable to me than even murderers.

Misanthropy was so easy, Watson - elegant. I miss it sometimes.

Watson

Mr. Holmes, did your father tell you that I'd be coming?

He e-mailed, said to expect some sort of addict-sitter.

Watson

Then he explained his conditions in respect to your sobriety?

If you mean his threats to evict me from this, the shoddiest and least renovated of the five, count them, five properties he owns in New York, then yeah. He made his conditions quite clear. I use, I wind up on the street. I refuse your quote-unquote help, I wind up on the street. It was my understanding that most sober companions are recovering addicts themselves, but you've never had a problem with drugs or alcohol.

Watson

Your father told you?

Of course he didn't.

Watson

Do you care to explain why you broke out of your rehab facility the same day you were being released?

Bored.

Watson

You were bored?

No, I am bored. Right now. It happens often. You'll get used to it.

Watson

There was a woman here just now. Did she get you high?

About six feet. (he pulls his belt off a ladder, which has two pairs of handcuffs attached to the rungs) I actually find sex repellent. All those fluids and odd sounds. But my brain and my body require it to function at optimum levels, so I feed them as needed.

Tell me, how do clients typically introduce you?

Watson

What do you mean?

I mean, I find it hard to believe they'd actually tell someone they've been assigned a glorified helper monkey.

Watson

Helper monkey? You and I have what's known as companion/client confidentiality, which means you can introduce me however you'd like: friend, co-worker, relative, and I'll play along. But, to be honest, most clients just call me their companion.

Hmm. Captain Gregson!

Gregson

Holmes, how are you doing?

Watson, this is Captain Gregson. Captain Gregson, this is Miss Watson, my personal valet.

Watson

How do you do it?

Do what?

Watson

Guess things.

I don't guess. I observe; and once I've observed, I deduce.

Watson

It's so incredible, the way that you can solve people just by looking at them. I noticed you don't have any mirrors around here.

And what's that supposed to mean?

Watson

It means I think you know a lost cause when you see one.

Watson

What do you mean you put yourself into a trance?

I hypnotized myself. It's simple, really. The key is word repetition. My word, as you may have guessed, is amygdala.

Watson

So you hypnotized yourself at your first group support meeting.

I couldn't listen to all those sob stories, now could I?

Watson

That's the whole point and when, you know, you feel comfortable, you can share.

You've been with me a week now, Watson. You know I don't share.

Watson

Well then why can't you listen?

Attic theory. I've always believed the human brain is like an attic: storage space, facts, but because that space is finite, it must be filled only with things one needs to be the best version of oneself. It's important, therefore, not to have useless facts: the natterings that comprised your support meeting, for example, crowding out useful ones.

Watson

I've got to go meet my friend soon. Are you going to be okay getting home by yourself?

This friend that you're meeting, when was the last time you slept with him? It's quite obvious it's a he and an ex-lover. You go out of your way to avoid gender and every time you talk about him you avert your gaze when say "friend." As to how I know it's not a current lover, your walk speaks volumes.

Watson

My walk.

A study in Belgium showed that a woman's recent orgasmic history can be discerned from her gait. Yours would indicate it's been a while.

Watson

Is it sad being wrong as often as you are right?

My advice: sleep with him. It'll do wonders for your mood.