Joan Watson quotes from Elementary

Sherlock Holmes

This is your third career. You stopped being a surgeon for personal reasons. You stopped being a sober companion, because something better came along. It just seemed a prudent time to ask whether your wanderlust has subsided.

Dr. Joan Watson

As a matter of fact, you're right. Life is short. I haven't been a construction worker yet. Or a biker. Indian chief.

Sherlock Holmes

You think I don't get the Village People reference, but I do.

Sherlock Holmes

Get dressed. Or get undressed. Your choice.

Dr. Joan Watson

Excuse me?

Sherlock Holmes

Marcus has requested our presence at a clothing optional retreat.

Dr. Joan Watson

It's for a case, right?

Dr. Joan Watson

You can stop mocking her story. She's lying; I'm sold.

Sherlock Holmes

And yet you won't join me in pouring scorn on her racist tale of woe.

Sherlock Holmes

I've been thinking about something that Marcus said when he confessed his feelings for the A.D.A. in the Leon Walker case.

Dr. Joan Watson

Marcus is in love?! Tell me more!

Sherlock Holmes

She's immaterial to my quandary.

Dr. Joan Watson

Sometimes I wonder what hobbies other people's roommates have.

Sherlock Holmes

I briefly shared a flat in London with a collector of wild game urine. He used it as a lure for hunting and trapping.

Dr. Joan Watson

Oh. Then I count my blessings.

Shinwell Johnson

This antique straight shackle's killing me, Doc. I wanted to get them all done before you got back.

Dr. Joan Watson

That one is rusted shut. This is incredible! You picked, what, 20 locks?

Shinwell Johnson

Twenty-three counting breaking in here.

Dr. Joan Watson

Who the hell snatches someone from their home and then just dumps them in broad daylight like this?

Sherlock Holmes

Agents of the American government.

Dr. Joan Watson

So now what?

Sherlock Holmes

An American spy has a murderous obsession with a three-year-old vehicular homicide which took place in London. So after I use the toilet, I'm going to ignore his instructions; I'm going to find out why.

Dr. Joan Watson

I know it sounds crazy, but something about Chinese astronauts, Venezuelan toilet bombs, or gold under the pyramids has gotten everyone killed. We just have to figure out what it was.

Sherlock Holmes

It's no mystery. It was a Venezuelan toilet bomb.

Sherlock Holmes

I will defer to the schizophrenic who's been absolutely right about everything else. Almost makes me want to dig for gold in the Giza.

Sherlock Holmes

Whether that recovery takes weeks, or months, or if I even get better at all, he couldn't say.

Dr. Joan Watson

Stand up.

Sherlock Holmes

Excuse me?

Dr. Joan Watson

Stand up.

Sherlock Holmes

My personality hasn't changed, Watson.

Dr. Joan Watson

I don't know how this guy ended up in charge of anything. He's a high school dropout and his whole life is a rap sheet.

Sherlock Holmes

Well, you only have to be the brightest bulb of a dim lot. Racist ideology mostly attracts failures and reprobates. Gives them a sense of elevation that they cannot otherwise justify.

Dr. Joan Watson

I threw that away for a reason.

Sherlock Holmes

You did. But if you were resolved not to read it, why not put it in your shredder instead of the trash? Alternatively, there are several fireplaces in this house. You could have easily have turned it to ash.

Dr. Joan Watson

Maybe I'm just lazy.

Sherlock Holmes

You most assuredly are not. In this case, I suspect you are leaving yourself room to reconsider. It was a good instinct; I advise you to follow it.

Dr. Joan Watson

You're trying the puzzles!

Sherlock Holmes

Well, I recognize that, like any potent adversary, PCS is best attacked from different angles. Yesterday I helped foil an international ring of jewel thieves and today I'm assembling Unicorn Utopia, ages 8 and up.

Dr. Joan Watson

And?

Sherlock Holmes

I prefer the jewel thieves.

Dr. Joan Watson

When you're done with that one, I have three more downstairs. If you like Unicorn Utopia, you are gonna love Pretty Princess Party.

Sherlock Holmes

This crime was planned well in advance. Our killer was patient and exacting. These are not traits that spring to mind when you read e-mails like, "I'm serious bro. I'll beat yo ass til you see stars in the daytime."

Dr. Joan Watson

They're all like this?

Sherlock Holmes

No, this one stands out for its proper spelling and punctuation.

Sherlock Holmes

Have you and I spoken since lunch? I have no memory of the last six hours.

Dr. Joan Watson

I'm calling Dr. Hanson.

Sherlock Holmes

My head is the less urgent of our concerns at the moment. A short while ago I arrived home carrying this bag and I couldn't recall what was inside so... Well, I looked.

Dr. Joan Watson

There is a head in there.

Sherlock Holmes

Yes, there is. And I have no idea where I got it.

Dr. Joan Watson

Where did that come from?

Sherlock Holmes

Our hacker friends at Everyone. They may be a loose coalition of basement-dwelling anarchists, but they're no fans of serial killers. Would you like to know what it cost?

Dr. Joan Watson

Do I have to shave your head again?

Sherlock Holmes

Nothing. They forewent my ritual humiliation and provided this gratis. It was almost enough to restore my faith in humanity.