Joan Watson quotes from Elementary

Dr. Joan Watson

I feel clear about something. Our work, what we do, it's not just a job now, it's who I am. I'm a detective; I'm ready to embrace that. I live in this world--your world--and I probably will for the rest of my life....It means that it's ridiculous for me to think that I can have a normal life. I'm not gonna do that anymore. Just like I'm not gonna pretend that this isn't the best place for us to do our work.

Sherlock Holmes

You're always welcome to come here. You know that.

Dr. Joan Watson

You don't understand. I'm saying that what I need to do is commit myself to this work completely. The best place for me to do that is here. I want to come back to the brownstone.

Dr. Joan Watson

That's the sex blanket.

Sherlock Holmes

I have asked you not to call it that.

Dr. Joan Watson

Who is she, and what time is she coming over?

Dr. Joan Watson

We'd like your employee records and data.

With all due respect, this has got a pretty broad reach. I'd like our lawyers to take a look at it first.

Sherlock Holmes

Indeed. They might contest the invasion of privacy as being too ironic.

Dr. Joan Watson

You want company?

Sherlock Holmes

No thank you.

Dr. Joan Watson

How about some ice cream? You know, it's stuff that people eat when they're feeling a little down.

Sherlock Holmes

I have everything I need right here.

Dr. Joan Watson

Okay.

Sherlock Holmes

Oh - what kind of ice cream?

Dr. Joan Watson

I'll bring you a couple of choices.

Sherlock Holmes

I owe you a bit of an apology. I attempted to express my concern for you last night, but my thoughts were distorted by the lens of my own needs. It was not optimally done.

Dr. Joan Watson

Oh, that's okay.

Sherlock Holmes

What I was trying to say was that one of the things I've gained from our collaboration is a working definition of the word friendship. Friendship, I've come to believe, is most accurately defined as two people moving towards the best aspects of one another. It is a relationship of mutual benefit, mutual gain. Another thing I've learned is that my isolationist tendencies are decidedly not my best quality. I am not a better person because of a lack of connection. So, I think the healthy thing is for you not to move in my direction. In fact, quite the opposite.

Dr. Joan Watson

That's worth thinking about.

Sherlock Holmes

Our relationship is predicated on one Holmes and one Watson. It's a delicate homeostasis. It doesn't function properly if there are two Holmeses and no Watsons. So while I am sensitive to this is likely a ripple effect from the tragedy, turning yourself into me in response is not good for our partnership.

Sherlock Holmes

Enjoy yourself, Watson.

Dr. Joan Watson

I will try, Holmes.

Sherlock Holmes

For a previously unremarkable drug dealer, Miss Moreno continues to defy expectations. Spree killer is yet another category dominated by men.

Dr. Joan Watson

How does she do it?

Sherlock Holmes

Would you be happier if women were better criminals?

Dr. Joan Watson

You're getting stung by bees on purpose?

Sherlock Holmes

Obviously.

Mr. Holmes is an extremely busy man.

Dr. Joan Watson

I'm busy, too. So is Sherlock. Tell him.

Can a heroin addict be busy? I'm just curious. I imagine procuring the drug might take some effort. After that, it's a simple matter of aim and shoot, is it not?

Dr. Joan Watson

What's the hardest you've ever been hit?

Excuse me?

Dr. Joan Watson

It's a simple question. [pauses while staring him down] Talk to Mr. Holmes. Tell him what I said. I'd hate to have to come back.

Dr. Joan Watson

Stop it.

Sherlock Holmes

Stop what?

Dr. Joan Watson

Imagining me on a line like that, coming to see you.

Sherlock Holmes

Truthfully, I'd rather you not visit me in prison.

Dr. Joan Watson

Why?

Sherlock Holmes

I'd hate for you to see me in a place like this.

Dr. Joan Watson

You're not going to prison.

Sherlock Holmes

If you like, we could write letters.

Dr. Joan Watson

I'm not writing you letters.

Sherlock Holmes

I'll have other correspondents: C, Moriarty--

Dr. Joan Watson

That's still going on?!

Dr. Joan Watson

I convinced him that he could use our expertise in neuroeconomics.

Sherlock Holmes

Are you an expert in neuroeconomics?

Dr. Joan Watson

I mean, compared to an FBI agent, apparently.

Dr. Joan Watson

What about a motive?

Sherlock Holmes

Spies don't have motives, they have orders.

Det. Marcus Bell

Am I crazy, or did I just hear him speak in perfect Spanish?

Dr. Joan Watson

Yeah. Fluent in three dozen languages, but the man has never seen Say Anything.

Det. Marcus Bell

That's a '80s movie, right?

Dr. Joan Watson

You want me to punch you, right?

Sherlock Holmes

At the very least this has proven the wisdom of continuously training in the combat arts. You do of course need to work on your defense. You allowed Cortez to land far too many punches.

Dr. Joan Watson

I did. But all that matters is that I landed the last one.

So how did you know that that was me?

Dr. Joan Watson

Grover Ogden? We lived on Ogden Avenue, Grover was our dog. And by the way that is how you make a porn name, not a pen name!