Joan Watson quotes from Elementary

Sherlock Holmes

I had to determine how you'd fared in my absence. I wanted to know exactly how much to apologize for. Over the course of the last week, however, it's become clear that you've done remarkably well.

Dr. Joan Watson

The last week--that woman has been following me for a week?!

Sherlock Holmes

I'm torn really. I'm proud of her surveillance, I'm disappointed in your failure to detect it.

What's this?!

Dr. Joan Watson

You're...

Not here. I'm not here! Remember that, OK?

Sherlock Holmes

Oh yes, heaven forfend your work with me should endanger your precious day job.

Dr. Joan Watson

You throw knives.

[to Sherlock] You know, it was supposed to be just you here.

Sherlock Holmes

Phillip is arguably the greatest knife-thrower in the world. Has been for decades. Only there's little money to be made in the impalement arts, so as a youth he turned to what you Americans term football.

Dr. Joan Watson

Is this a joke?

Sherlock Holmes

Phillip, head and heart.

Come on.

Sherlock Holmes

Head and heart!

Can I go?

Sherlock Holmes

Yeah. [Phillip leaves.] Fifteen years he spent throwing that misshapen ball around. Fifteen years. When I think of the acclaim he could have brought to competitive blade-slinging.

Sherlock Holmes

Your home, Watson, is utterly pleasant.

Dr. Joan Watson

You say that like it's a bad thing.

Sherlock Holmes

When you told me you wanted a life of your own I didn't realize you wanted the same life everyone else has.

Dr. Joan Watson

Everything OK?

Kitty Winter

Thank you for coming. Like I said on the phone, he just won't stop. You got any ideas?

Dr. Joan Watson

You're not planning to destroy the computer are you?!

Sherlock Holmes

No, I'm not planning to destroy the bloody computer!

Dr. Joan Watson

[to Kitty] Just ride it out. If he starts hitting things, use the fire extinguisher on him.

Sherlock Holmes

What do you think you're doing?

Dr. Joan Watson

I think I'm picking the lock. Again. You keep doing this! You ask me to come over, and then you don't answer the door when I ring!

Sherlock Holmes

I mean, why are you picking the lock so noisily? Why not just announce the position of your cranium to an awaiting gunman?

Sherlock Holmes

Earlier this morning I initiated a dialogue with Mr. Cornblatt under false pretenses. You are currently speaking with Amber1776. I'm an obsequious American history major who's been fawning over his collection. I enjoy water sports and people who don't suck.

Dr. Joan Watson

You are a honey trap.

Sherlock Holmes

I'm a patriot.

Dr. Joan Watson

[to the suspect] Your family still owns land just outside the reservation, land that would be worth hundreds of millions of dollars. But only if the casino went forward. There would be hotels, restaurants--

Sherlock Holmes

Pawnshops, the odd money lender.

Sherlock Holmes

What tedium is this?

Dr. Joan Watson

I'm surprised you even came down here. I thought this stuff was too boring for you.

Sherlock Holmes

After the events of last night, I could use the calm that a dose of routine drudgery provides.

Dr. Joan Watson

What happened last night?

Sherlock Holmes

Well, we had what I considered to be a promising response to my ad. So photographs of the supposed mayhem were provided, a meeting was set, and it was all going rather well until the man revealed himself to be an undercover police officer. There was a bit of confusion, and some waving of guns.

Dr. Joan Watson

Did you get arrested?

Sherlock Holmes

The appearance of a living Kitty did help my cause, and a phone call to Captain Gregson secured my release. I still maintain that it was a sound tactic. You can't judge an idea just by the results it provides.

Dr. Joan Watson

Bella, Edward, Jacob...Immune to supernatural powers of the mind...Wait a minute, are you guys researching the Twilight books?!

Sherlock Holmes

We heard back from our friends at Everyone. They've agreed to compile a list of everyone who's received a payment from Purgatorium Incorporated since its inception last month. In exchange, they want me to compose a treatise on why the character of Bella should have ended up with Jacob rather than Edward. Apparently there's some kind of convention in town, and they want me to read my essay out loud in the lobby. Personally, I see no reason why they couldn't have come to some arrangement which involved all three of them, but that's not the position that Everyone has asked me to take.

Dr. Joan Watson

Everyone never gets tired of embarrassing you, do they?

Sherlock Holmes

Humiliation is the favorite currency of the hacker.

Dr. Joan Watson

You broke into my apartment?!

Sherlock Holmes

You break into my home all the time.

Dr. Joan Watson

That is because you force me to!

Sherlock Holmes

Watson, what are you doing here?

Dr. Joan Watson

Oh, I just came here to punch you.

Dr. Joan Watson

Why are you making Clyde paint?

Sherlock Holmes

I'm not forcing him to do anything, he enjoys it.

Dr. Joan Watson

I know you two have worked together or something, but do you really think he's just gonna give you one of his Super Bowl rings?

Sherlock Holmes

You've got no idea what the man owes me.

Dr. Joan Watson

I wanted something normal, something that was mine....I don't think I can keep our work and my private life separate. It just doesn't seem possible. But you already know that. I mean, it's part of the reason you live the way that you do.

Sherlock Holmes

Yes, but my choices do not have to be your choices, Watson.

Dr. Joan Watson

I might be better off if they were.

Dr. Joan Watson

You really are on your best behavior. It must have killed you not to just pick the lock.

Sherlock Holmes

Nonsense. I had several more seconds worth of waiting in me.