Joan Watson quotes from Elementary

Watson

And you brought him here to help you make sense of the equations you found in the victim's house. I get that. What I don't get, is why he isn't wearing a shirt.

Sherlock

Every great thinker has a process, Watson. In Harlan's case, he doesn't like there to be anything between him and the numbers. Now I know you can feel quite Victorian about such things, so I gave him a little bell to ring in case he feels the need to disrobe completely. Having said that, I can't guarantee he won't sit on the furniture.

Sherlock

What are you doing?

Joan

I'm looking at profiles of guys who winked at me on TrueRomantix.

Sherlock

I weep for the whole desperate lot of you.

Sherlock

So did you learn anything, Watson?

Joan

Yeah, that you fight dirty.

Sherlock

No, I fight without mercy, a habit that you should develop if you hope to defend yourself against bigger, stronger opponents. Which may occur unless we limit ourselves to investigating crimes committed by small children or large house cats.

Joan

Well, it certainly sounds like you had feelings for her.

Sherlock

Perhaps but... nothing so mundane as love. I was adrift back then. I had-had no purpose. My so-called peers made me feel that that might always be the case. Abigail, she gave me a gift. A view inside a mind capable of murder.

Watson

So she was your first...

Sherlock

Killer, yeah. Without intending to, she-she helped me understand who I was and-and what I might do with my life.

Sherlock

Sometimes, Watson, when one wants a diamond, one must resort to digging in a diamond mine.

Joan

For future reference, a morgue is not a diamond mine.

Sherlock

It's better. Diamonds are just pressed coal; corpses have stories, secrets.

Sherlock

Quite frankly, I'm surprised it's taken this long for the captain's marriage to buckle. He's an excellent detective.

Joan

What does that have to do with it?

Sherlock

Well, as you know, detection is a calling, not a job. Hardly leaves one with time left over to sustain the elaborate ruse of marriage.

Joan

Because, of course, you think marriage is an elaborate ruse.

Sherlock

There are other ways to describe it. An unnatural arrangement which forces its participants into an unhealthy monogamy. An accretion of petty fights and resentful compromises which, like Chinese water torture, slowly transforms both parties into howling, neurotic versions of their former selves.

Joan

[Sherlock is jabbing her while she's sleeping] Why are you poking me with your single stick?

Sherlock

I'm prodding the sheets in order to determine whether or not my brother is in there with you.

Joan

This is one of those "so many questions" moments. Why only three times a year?

Sherlock

Well, I'm not sure, having never milked a moose. I imagine one must catch it in the right mood.

Sherlock

I've given further consideration to your rebuke regarding my capacity for niceness.

Joan

I didn't mean it as a rebuke. I was trying to have a conversation.

Sherlock

Either way. You have a point. There is unquestionably a certain social utility to being polite. To maintaining an awareness of other people's sensitivities. To exhibiting all the traits that might commonly be grouped under the heading nice.

Joan

I think you'll be surprised how easy it is to earn that designation.

Sherlock

No. I am not a nice man. It's important that you understand that. It's going to save you a great deal of time and effort. There is not a warmer, kinder me waiting to be coaxed out into the light. I am acerbic. I can be cruel. It's who I am. Right to the bottom. I'm neither proud of this, nor ashamed of it. It simply is. And in my work, my nature has been an advantage far more often than it has been a hindrance. I'm not gonna change.

Joan

You already have. You're not the same person I met a year and a half ago. You're--

Sherlock

Good to you? Yeah. For the most part. I consider you to be... exceptional. So I make an exceptional effort to accommodate you. But you must accept that, for as long as you choose to be in my life, there will occasionally be fallout from my behavior. That must be a part of our understanding.

Joan

No one can accept something like that forever.

Sherlock

To thine own self, Watson.

Would you be surprised to learn you've been on my mind, Joan Watson?

Joan

Not really.

I don't typically misread people, but you're more clever than I initially anticipated. More interesting. If you weren't, I would never have been caught.

Joan

I think you give me too much credit.

It's what you crave, is it not? Acknowledgment from a superior mind. Evidence that you matter. Why else pursue a partnership with a man like Sherlock?

Joan

Actually the partnership was his idea. That bothers you, doesn't it?

I confess I don't understand it, but I'm drawn to things I don't understand. Same as Sherlock. Once I've figured you out, I'll move on. Same as Sherlock.

Joan

Is that why you've been writing him? Because you want to... understand him?

Part of it, I suppose.

Joan

And the rest?

What do you think?

Joan

You think you're in love with him. Only you can't be sure, because as much as you claim to know about the world, love is something you don't quite get.

You'd be surprised what I'd do for love.

Joan

Nothing crazy people do surprises me.

I write to Sherlock because he's the only person on the planet I can really talk to. He writes to me because I'm the only one he can talk to. The only one he can ever truly relate to. If you still don't understand that, you will someday. I promise.

Sherlock

Did you say everything you wanted to say today? To Moriarty? That is why you accompanied her to the Fuller residence, is it not? So you would have a private dialogue with her?

Joan

Well, you have been hogging her for the last few months.

Sherlock

I told you. I have merely been--

Joan

Studying her. Right. You have feelings for her, and that is perfectly normal.

Sherlock

I have nothing of the sort.

Joan

Irene was the love of your life. That is why, in spite of everything, you can't quite give her up. I get that. But I also know that you're only gonna get hurt in the long run because there is no Irene. There is only Moriarty. And Moriarty is never gonna change.

Watson

Why is Gay asleep on our couch?

I worked her hard. Don't be territorial about your geologist, Watson, I was in need of one.

Watson

[carrying a caged chicken] Why is Romulus outside my door?

That's Remus.

Watson

I don't care which cock I'm holding, I just want to know how it got there...! Okay, congratulations, you got me to say it.

I don't know if you've settled on an epitaph yet, but it does occur to me that that would look fantastic on a tombstone.

Watson

You're kidding!

That's me, Watson. Joke machine.

Dr. Joan Watson

Those are singlestick moves. How the hell do you know...singlestick. You don't work for March. You work for Sherlock.

Kitty Winter

I don't work for anyone. I'm his new partner.