Sherlock Holmes quotes from Elementary

Sherlock Holmes

Guarding a puddle? Been demoted have you?

Det. Marcus Bell

Haven't you heard? It's not the size of the crime scene that counts.

Sherlock Holmes

What do you think you're doing?

Dr. Joan Watson

I think I'm picking the lock. Again. You keep doing this! You ask me to come over, and then you don't answer the door when I ring!

Sherlock Holmes

I mean, why are you picking the lock so noisily? Why not just announce the position of your cranium to an awaiting gunman?

Sherlock Holmes

Earlier this morning I initiated a dialogue with Mr. Cornblatt under false pretenses. You are currently speaking with Amber1776. I'm an obsequious American history major who's been fawning over his collection. I enjoy water sports and people who don't suck.

Dr. Joan Watson

You are a honey trap.

Sherlock Holmes

I'm a patriot.

Dr. Joan Watson

[to the suspect] Your family still owns land just outside the reservation, land that would be worth hundreds of millions of dollars. But only if the casino went forward. There would be hotels, restaurants--

Sherlock Holmes

Pawnshops, the odd money lender.

Sherlock Holmes

What tedium is this?

Dr. Joan Watson

I'm surprised you even came down here. I thought this stuff was too boring for you.

Sherlock Holmes

After the events of last night, I could use the calm that a dose of routine drudgery provides.

Dr. Joan Watson

What happened last night?

Sherlock Holmes

Well, we had what I considered to be a promising response to my ad. So photographs of the supposed mayhem were provided, a meeting was set, and it was all going rather well until the man revealed himself to be an undercover police officer. There was a bit of confusion, and some waving of guns.

Dr. Joan Watson

Did you get arrested?

Sherlock Holmes

The appearance of a living Kitty did help my cause, and a phone call to Captain Gregson secured my release. I still maintain that it was a sound tactic. You can't judge an idea just by the results it provides.

Sherlock Holmes

He's painted an entire series of paintings which detail the hallucinogenic effects of ingesting large quantities of the spice.

Kitty Winter

You can get high off nutmeg?

Sherlock Holmes

I can't say it's a particularly satisfying experience, but yeah.

Kitty Winter

Does anyone look familiar?

Sherlock Holmes

Supposing someone does, he or she may have not protected my anonymity, but I will not do him or her the same discourtesy. If there are corrective measures to be taken, I shall take them myself.

Capt. Gregson

Did you bring a child to work today?

Sherlock Holmes

Oh no, that's Mason. He's older than he looks. A bit.

Dr. Joan Watson

Bella, Edward, Jacob...Immune to supernatural powers of the mind...Wait a minute, are you guys researching the Twilight books?!

Sherlock Holmes

We heard back from our friends at Everyone. They've agreed to compile a list of everyone who's received a payment from Purgatorium Incorporated since its inception last month. In exchange, they want me to compose a treatise on why the character of Bella should have ended up with Jacob rather than Edward. Apparently there's some kind of convention in town, and they want me to read my essay out loud in the lobby. Personally, I see no reason why they couldn't have come to some arrangement which involved all three of them, but that's not the position that Everyone has asked me to take.

Dr. Joan Watson

Everyone never gets tired of embarrassing you, do they?

Sherlock Holmes

Humiliation is the favorite currency of the hacker.

Dr. Joan Watson

You broke into my apartment?!

Sherlock Holmes

You break into my home all the time.

Dr. Joan Watson

That is because you force me to!

Sherlock Holmes

Watson, what are you doing here?

Dr. Joan Watson

Oh, I just came here to punch you.

Dr. Joan Watson

Why are you making Clyde paint?

Sherlock Holmes

I'm not forcing him to do anything, he enjoys it.

Dr. Joan Watson

I know you two have worked together or something, but do you really think he's just gonna give you one of his Super Bowl rings?

Sherlock Holmes

You've got no idea what the man owes me.

Sherlock Holmes

Detective Bell, you're here. Excellent.

Det. Marcus Bell

It's not Detective Bell today. The department told me I had too many vacation days built up, so I had to use 'em or lose 'em.

Sherlock Holmes

I'm aware you're off duty. In fact, that's exactly why I asked you here. I picked up some potentially interesting work involving stolen zebras. I thought it might be an opportunity for you to gain more exposure to my methods.

Det. Marcus Bell

You want me to work a case with you?

Sherlock Holmes

An informal setting is a more fertile learning environment, don't you think? Think of it as a favor.

Det. Marcus Bell

So I'll work for you, and somehow you're doing me a favor?

Sherlock Holmes

Well I do owe you a debt. You'll recall the unfortunate business with you and the bullet.

Det. Marcus Bell

I remember when you got me shot. Look, I get it: You want somebody to talk at, but you don't want to bother Joan right now?

Sherlock Holmes

I will pay you.

Det. Marcus Bell

I'm already getting paid today.

Sherlock Holmes

A donation to the charity of your choice, then.

Det. Marcus Bell

How'd you know I didn't have plans for the day?

Sherlock Holmes

People who are forced by their employers to take time off don't generally have thriving social lives.

Det. Marcus Bell

My rate to the Harlem Youth Club.

Dr. Joan Watson

I wanted something normal, something that was mine....I don't think I can keep our work and my private life separate. It just doesn't seem possible. But you already know that. I mean, it's part of the reason you live the way that you do.

Sherlock Holmes

Yes, but my choices do not have to be your choices, Watson.

Dr. Joan Watson

I might be better off if they were.