Sherlock Holmes quotes from Elementary

Sherlock Holmes

Do you think your sister will help us sell the place?

Dr. Joan Watson

We can ask her over dinner. We should ask Marcus to join, too....He's single, and so is Lin.

Sherlock Holmes

And to think that my father thought that I was the greatest threat to our circle of friends.

Sherlock Holmes

So you're a former drug dealer, correct?

Shinwell Johnson

[shrugs]

Sherlock Holmes

[points to himself] Former drug user.

Sherlock Holmes

So, you met Watson after you were shot by rivals in 2006. She pulled five bullets out of you?

Shinwell Johnson

That's right.

Sherlock Holmes

I've been shot five times. But, uh, separate occasions.

Shinwell Johnson

That's...great.

Sherlock Holmes

So what kind of a name is Shinwell?

Shinwell Johnson

What kinda name is Sherlock?

I understand I can't instantly recall memories from half a decade ago. Where were you, Tuesday April 2, 2010, 10:40 in the morning?

Sherlock Holmes

I was at the Whitechapel Gallery in London at an exhibition of neoimpressionist painting. Four minutes later, I used the facilities.

I can't throw out garbage now?

Sherlock Holmes

No, on the contrary, I encourage it. You'd be amazed what turns up in the rubbish. I once found the testicles of an illegally poached Asian black bear in the bins of an English member of Parliament. He believed them to possess certain curative powers.

If that's why you're back, let me save you the trouble. There aren't any testicles in my garbage, black bear or otherwise.

Sherlock Holmes

This is your third career. You stopped being a surgeon for personal reasons. You stopped being a sober companion, because something better came along. It just seemed a prudent time to ask whether your wanderlust has subsided.

Dr. Joan Watson

As a matter of fact, you're right. Life is short. I haven't been a construction worker yet. Or a biker. Indian chief.

Sherlock Holmes

You think I don't get the Village People reference, but I do.

Sherlock Holmes

Get dressed. Or get undressed. Your choice.

Dr. Joan Watson

Excuse me?

Sherlock Holmes

Marcus has requested our presence at a clothing optional retreat.

Dr. Joan Watson

It's for a case, right?

Capt. Thomas Gregson

Where'd you get those? Are they hot?

Sherlock Holmes

If you're concerned about provenance, just umm, just focus on those ones.

Dr. Joan Watson

You can stop mocking her story. She's lying; I'm sold.

Sherlock Holmes

And yet you won't join me in pouring scorn on her racist tale of woe.

I can't believe you people. I was taken!

Sherlock Holmes

Yes, by two Pakistani men. We've heard your, uh, bigoted Fantasia.

Sherlock Holmes

Despite the abject failure of your first nuptials you don't have any such misgivings about the institution, do you? So it would not be a violation of your personal ethics.

Captain Thomas Gregson

Should I phrase it like that when I get down on one knee?

Det. Marcus Bell

A poop emoji?

Sherlock Holmes

Oh, I thought it was ice cream.

Sherlock Holmes

You know, if you'd have told me you had a crush on Ms. Milner before we came here, I could have told you to wear a different color shirt. There's ample literature on which colors women are most attracted to, and purple isn't one of them.

Det. Marcus Bell

That was a business meeting, not a speed date.

Sherlock Holmes

It was both. You dragged me here to save face with that A.D.A. I would've been happy to be your wingman-slash-scapegoat.

Sherlock Holmes

I've been thinking about something that Marcus said when he confessed his feelings for the A.D.A. in the Leon Walker case.

Dr. Joan Watson

Marcus is in love?! Tell me more!

Sherlock Holmes

She's immaterial to my quandary.

Dr. Joan Watson

Sometimes I wonder what hobbies other people's roommates have.

Sherlock Holmes

I briefly shared a flat in London with a collector of wild game urine. He used it as a lure for hunting and trapping.

Dr. Joan Watson

Oh. Then I count my blessings.

Sherlock Holmes

A set of keys. Decker must have lost them as he struggled to move the body.

Capt. Thomas Gregson

What makes you think they're Decker's?

Sherlock Holmes

Let's just say I'm familiar with the lock at his house and leave it at that, shall we?