Sherlock Holmes quotes from Elementary

OK, fine it was me. But it's not illegal to wear a scary costume in public, OK? I checked.

Capt. Thomas Gregson

You know what is illegal? Murder.

Sherlock Holmes

We checked.

Det. Marcus Bell

Let me guess, you're already two steps ahead of me.

Sherlock Holmes

At least two.

This is a private club, so--

Sherlock Holmes

Of which my father is a very influential member, has been most of his life. He also heads up an extremely powerful evil cabal. I can do no wrong within these walls.

Dr. Joan Watson

Who the hell snatches someone from their home and then just dumps them in broad daylight like this?

Sherlock Holmes

Agents of the American government.

Dr. Joan Watson

So now what?

Sherlock Holmes

An American spy has a murderous obsession with a three-year-old vehicular homicide which took place in London. So after I use the toilet, I'm going to ignore his instructions; I'm going to find out why.

Kitty Winter

I'm surprised we got a meeting with the managing partner so easily.

Sherlock Holmes

Well, I didn't identify myself as Sherlock Holmes, consulting detective, but rather Sherlock Holmes, son of Morland. He and a firm like this could do great evil things together.

Dr. Joan Watson

I know it sounds crazy, but something about Chinese astronauts, Venezuelan toilet bombs, or gold under the pyramids has gotten everyone killed. We just have to figure out what it was.

Sherlock Holmes

It's no mystery. It was a Venezuelan toilet bomb.

Sherlock Holmes

I will defer to the schizophrenic who's been absolutely right about everything else. Almost makes me want to dig for gold in the Giza.

Capt. Thomas Gregson

So [he] was shot over a guitar?

Sherlock Holmes

Not just any guitar. According to [his] research, the guitar once belonged to someone named Eric Clapton. Have you heard of him?

Det. Marcus Bell

[in a warehouse with large wooden crates] Am I the only one keeping an eye out for the lost Ark of the Covenant?

Sherlock Holmes

It's in a warehouse in Yemen.

Det. Marcus Bell

I was joking!

Sherlock Holmes

...So was I.

Sherlock Holmes

He's not going to run.

Marcus Bell

How the hell could you possibly know that, huh? I'm the one who talked to the guy, not you.

Sherlock Holmes

We know that on at least two occasions, he savagely beat his wife, and he made no attempt to flee. Why? Because he thinks that his lawyers and his money make him bulletproof. I've seen it hundreds of times.

Marcus Bell

Yeah, but we're not just trying to hang Chantal's assault on him, we're trying to hang a homicide.

Sherlock Holmes

Well, to a man like that, the difference is negligible.

Marcus Bell

Look, I just came by to say thanks for being my eyes and ears the last few days. And to let you know that I'm going to talk to someone, about all the stuff that came up that I obviously haven't been dealing with.

Sherlock Holmes

I don't presume to know the details of what your father did to you and your family. But, um... I've seen enough parental abuse to know that one thing is always the same: when someone whose job it is to nurture you, hurts you instead, it-it can't help but have a profound and lasting effect on your sense of who you are. I stopped you from beating Ukhov because I didn't want you to throw away your career, but more importantly, I didn't want you to throw away yourself. I mean, I might be this extraordinary detective, but you are an extraordinary man. And that's a far, far more precious thing... isn't it?

Sherlock Holmes

Just waiting for some test results.

For me?

Sherlock Holmes

Uh, no, someone else.

And the reason you're waiting on my table instead of one in your house?

Sherlock Holmes

My mother's ghost recently set a room on fire so I've been doing most of my thinking elsewhere.

Fine. Don't tell me.

Holmes? Something I can help with?

Sherlock Holmes

Not yet. But if an autopsy is in the offing, I should know soon enough.

Sherlock Holmes

Whether that recovery takes weeks, or months, or if I even get better at all, he couldn't say.

Dr. Joan Watson

Stand up.

Sherlock Holmes

Excuse me?

Dr. Joan Watson

Stand up.

Sherlock Holmes

My personality hasn't changed, Watson.

Dr. Joan Watson

I don't know how this guy ended up in charge of anything. He's a high school dropout and his whole life is a rap sheet.

Sherlock Holmes

Well, you only have to be the brightest bulb of a dim lot. Racist ideology mostly attracts failures and reprobates. Gives them a sense of elevation that they cannot otherwise justify.

Dr. Joan Watson

I threw that away for a reason.

Sherlock Holmes

You did. But if you were resolved not to read it, why not put it in your shredder instead of the trash? Alternatively, there are several fireplaces in this house. You could have easily have turned it to ash.

Dr. Joan Watson

Maybe I'm just lazy.

Sherlock Holmes

You most assuredly are not. In this case, I suspect you are leaving yourself room to reconsider. It was a good instinct; I advise you to follow it.