Sometimes, if you stand still, the world comes to you.
All S1
S1 E9Chicago Holiday, Part 2
S1 E10A Cop, A Mountie, and a Baby
LLouise
The Mountie! Have you guys seen the Mountie?
WWino (Jesse)
Do you have an appointment?
Your hair is who you are, Fraser. It makes a statement.
Oh, I see. What does it say?
What?
Your hair. What is it saying?
At the moment?
Yeah.
Well, let's see. [Uses napkin dispenser as a mirror] It's, uh, straight and slicked-back, so I guess it's got that mess-with-me-and-you're-dead style, good for the job. The contouring around the ears... that's unexpected, uh, that says... watch out, this guy might be dangerous. And then the feathering around the back? Well, that's a nod to the female demographic. So, what's it saying? It's saying, deadly and dangerous but not afraid to cry.
Really! [He picks up the napkin dispenser] What does my hair say?
Oh, that's not hair, Fraser - that's pelt.
Oh, come on, Fraser, don't give me that big-eyed Mountie look!
And make the puffin face.
I am not gonna make the puffin face!
Make the puffin face.
I don't even know what a puffin is!
Oh, you look ridiculous.
LLouise
They... they say that you believe in people. That you're the only one in the neighborhood without locks on his doors.
Yes... well, that's not entirely intentional.
Someone stole 'em.
Okay, we saved his life for fifteen seconds, now what?
You take the big one, I'll take the bigger one.
Fraser, there's three of them. Can't I just shoot them?
VVillain
Are you gonna call him off?
Diefenbaker, off! He never listens.
I think she was nearsighted.
Who?
Chick with the bike.
Oh, you mean at the coffee shop?
Yeah.
Well, she was probably too young for you, Ray.
No, no, it's not her, it's just that she didn't notice my je ne sais quois.
[puzzled] From the French, meaning 'I don't know what'?
S1 E11The Gift of the Wheelman
Ohhhh, no. I know that tone in your voice. You think I'm being cheap.
No! I think there's nothing wrong with being frugal, Ray, and if you can't afford to buy presents, well, getting them for opening a bank account is a viable if not inventive alternative.
S1Santa 1
You know how much money I'm losing right now? Every kid that sits on my lap I get two bucks.
DJDet. Jack Huey
Yup.
S1Santa 1
I can go through forty kids an hour!
S2Santa 2
I can do fifty.
S1Santa 1
Bull. No one can do fifty and live!
In our zeal to solve this case, I can't help but wonder if we haven't been... I don't know, how do you say it? 'Excessively stupid'?
Look, kid, you're not the only one who saw a face. This guy was so close to you he could count your pores. How hard do you think it'll be for him to find out where you live? You put the finger on this guy and we can protect you, but if you don't -
- we'll still protect you.
Maybe he will, but I won't, and no other cop will either!
[on phone] I brought over the wire tap request in person, sir, but his Honor had consumed a great deal of Christmas cheer and started cursing at me in Norwegian. [pause] I wasn't aware he spoke it either, sir!
I learned two things from my father. One, timing - mostly when to duck. And two... you never hit a kid, 'cause it doesn't teach them anything.
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