All right, that's it! I've had it! For all the response I get around here, I might as well be invisible! [starts fading away] I know your mother died. I know she left you and the house to your sister, but I still live here! I'm still the man of the house, and demand to be heard! To be recognized! To be... [fades; Grandma-ma farts]
“I, Duckman” · Season 1, Episode 1
In this episode: Eric T. Duckman (5), Cornfed Pig (3)
I don't get it. I break for animals if they're big enough to dent my car. I don't pop any zits above the eye line. I treat others the way I'd like to be treated.
My own family ignores me, and who can blame them? There's nothing special about me, nothing unique. I'm just one more duck detective who works with a pig and lives with the twin sister of his dead wife, three sons in two bodies, and a comatose mother-in-law who's got so much gas, she's a fire hazard.
It's the dream again, Duckman. You're letting it win. I know. I used to have a recurring dream. I dream I fell and hit my head on a fishbowl. Hurt myself just bad enough to work the graveyard shift at a convenience store. A group of Hare Krishnas always came in at 4 a.m. and bought 16 gallons of Mr. Slushi and a package of banana flavored Ding Dongs. Then the Swedish Bikini Team jumped out of a magazine and read Moby-Dick to me inside a giant carton of cottage cheese. "Why?" I'd ask myself. "What could it mean? Am I mad? Or is the world just a mystery too complex to understand?"
You hear that, Cornfed? I'm not special. Even my own killer doesn't think so.
[whacks his face] Get a hold of yourself, Duckman.
It's true, Cornfed. I'm just like that bomber, I... I lost my identity when I lost my wife.
But you still have something he doesn't, remember?
His chainsaw?
Your children. You're still the only father they have. That makes you special. No one else could've created the family that you did. [beat] I mean that in a good way.
Oh, what's the point? Their own mother didn't think I was up to raising them, [slumps on Beatrice's gravestone] and maybe I'm not. Maybe that's why they ignore me. Beatrice made me a better person. Without her here to help, I'm... I'm just not a very good father.
Things sure have changed over the years.
[tearing up] I miss her. You know, tomorrow would have been our wedding anniversary. I forgot. I guess I blocked it out. [wipes a tear away] It's the first one I've had to spend without her.
That may explain the way you've been feeling lately.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Duckman pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.