I didn't need to. It's like a special power. Some people have special powers where they can't see, and some people have special powers where they can't hear.
My special power is, I know when James' relationships are going to end badly. I don't know how I do it, but I take one look at the girl and it's like I Beautiful Mind it. And trust me, if he kept going out with her, he'd become soft and complacent.
June, if you're not being completely honest with your friends, then you're not helping them be the best that they can possibly be. By the way, you're using the wrong foundation for your skin tone, it actually clashes with your skin tone. It's like your face is one girl, and your neck is another.
Oh, I'm not in AA because I'm sober. I'm in it because it's the best place to tell my crazy, wild drinking stories to an audience who actually appreciates them. It's like how black comedians get the biggest laughs from black people, whereas white people be all like, [in a mocking voice] "What's he talking about? Can I have another Shirley Temple?"
No, no, no. I don't mean emotionally awful. I mean the sex itself was literally mechanically awful. I'm talking... about people who... don't even... know... what sex is. Like, bad, sweaty, clunky sex. Like two... babies having... intercourse.
Gross, June! Why'd you have to put that image in my head? I'm about to go to Little League. That's my new crazy story for AA—I'm gonna cause a drunken scene at Little League, kiss a father, and then grab a metal bat out of a kid's hand and just start swinging.
[after Benjamin gives a speech to the crew on the set of James' new commercial] I can't follow that. You can't have two... inspiring first-day-of-production speeches. The SOB usurped me!
I know you said it doesn't bother you that Melinda St. Claire is number one in Ben's cycle. But you can't pretend that you're not feeling hurt. He's your number one, and you're not his. That is jacked up.
June, I don't care how Ben ranks his cycle. Why do you think I date six guys at a time? For exactly this reason. One gets annoying, another one slips right in. It's how Pat Riley ran the Knicks, it's how I run my sex life.
[referring to her former roommate, Trish] At first, I planned on strangling her with her Juicy sweatpants. But if she's still wearing those, I've already won.
