Ninth Doctor quotes from Doctor Who

Excuse me, do you mind not farting while I'm saving the world?

Would you rather silent, but deadly?

[disguised as General Asquith] Under the jurisdiction of the Emergency Protocols, I authorize you to execute this man!

Ah, well, now, you see, uh, the thing is, if I was you, if I was gonna, uh, execute someone by backing them against the wall, between you and me, a little word of advice: [there is a ping and lift door slides open behind the Doctor] don't stand him against the lift! [he steps backwards and the lift door closes]

Installed in 1991. Three inches of steel lining every single wall. They'll never get in. [smiles triumphantly]

And how do we get out?

[still smiling, he looks around and then nods] Ah. [continues smiling]

There's a way out.

What?

There's always been a way out.

Then why don't we use it?

[to Jackie, over the phone] Because I can't guarantee your daughter will be safe.

Don't you dare! Whatever it is, don't you dare!

That's the thing. If I don't dare, everyone dies.

Do it.

You don't even know what it is. You'd just let me?

Yeah.

Please, Doctor, please, she's my daughter, she's just a kid.

Do you think I don't know that? 'Cause this is my life, Jackie - it's not fun, it's not smart, it's just standing up and making a decision. Because nobody else will.

Then what are you waiting for?

I could save the world but lose you.

My mother's cooking.

Good. Put her on a slow heat and let her simmer!

She's cooking tea. For us.

I don't do that.

She wants to get to know you.

Tough. I've got better things to do.

It's just tea.

Not to me, it isn't.

She's my mother!

Well, she's not mine!

That's not fair!

Well, you can stay there if you want. But right now, there's this plasma storm brewing in the Horsehead Nebula. Fires are burning ten million miles wide. I could fly the TARDIS right into the heart of it, then ride the shock wave all the way out, hurtle right across the sky and end up... anywhere. Your choice.

I just went down the shop, and I was thinking, you know, like, the whole world's changed. Aliens and spaceships, all in public. And here it is. [shows a newspaper dismissing the crashing Slitheen ship as a hoax] How could they do that?! They saw it!

They're just not ready. You're happy to believe in something that's invisible, but if it's staring you in the face, nope, can't see it. There's a scientific explanation for that: you're thick!

[amused] We're just idiots.

[smiling] Well, not all of you.

Your race is dead! You all burnt, all of you! Ten million ships on fire! The entire Dalek race wiped out in one second!

You lie!

I watched it happen! I made it happen!

You destroyed us?!

[sombre] I had no choice.

And what of the Time Lords?

Dead. They burnt with you. The end of the last great Time War. Everyone lost.

And the coward survived.

[mocking] Oh, and I caught your little signal. "Help me". Poor little thing. But there's no one else coming 'cos there's no one else left.

I am alone in the universe?

[smirking] Yep.

So are you. [The Doctor's smirk fades] We are the same.

[enraged] We're not the same, I'm not-- No, wait. Maybe we are. You're right, yeah, okay. You've got a point. 'Cos I know what to do. I know what should happen. I know what you deserve. [pauses dramatically] Exterminate! [he pulls a nearby lever, causing the Dalek to be electrified. The Dalek screams.]

HAVE PITY!

Why should I? You never did!

I thought you were the great expert, Doctor. If you're so impressive, then why not just reason with this Dalek? It must be willing to negotiate. There must be something it needs. Everything needs something.

What's the nearest town?

Salt Lake City.

Population?

One million.

All dead. If the Dalek gets out, it'll murder every living creature. That's all it wants.

[shouting] But why would it do that?!

Because it honestly believes they should die. Human beings are different, and anything different is wrong. It's the ultimate in racial cleansing, and you, van Statten, you've let it loose!

You're just a soldier without commands.

Then I shall follow the primary order: the Dalek instinct to destroy, to conquer!

What for? What's the point?! Don't you see? It's all gone. Everything you were, everything you stood for.

Then what should I do?

Alright, then. If you want orders, follow this one: Kill yourself.

The Daleks must survive!

The Daleks have failed! Now why don't you finish the job and make the Daleks extinct; rid the universe of your filth?! Why don't you just DIE?!

You would make a good Dalek.

I killed her.

I'm sorry.

I said I'd protect her. She was only here because of me, and you're sorry? I could have killed that Dalek in its cell. But you stopped me.

It was the prize of my collection!

[outraged] YOUR COLLECTION?! Well, was it worth it?! Worth all those men's deaths, worth Rose?! Let me tell you something, van Statten. Mankind goes into space to explore, to be part of something greater!

Exactly! I wanted to touch the stars!

You just want to drag the stars down and stick them underground, underneath tons of sand and dirt, and label them! You're about as far from the stars as you can get! [quietly] And you took her down with you. She was nineteen years old.

Get out of the way! [The Doctor is aiming a hand-held cannon at the Dalek.] Rose, get out of the way now!

No. I won't let you do this.

That thing killed hundreds of people!

It's not the one pointing the gun at me.

I've got to do this. I've got to end it! The Daleks destroyed my home, my people! I've got nothing left!

Look at it.

What's it doing?

It's the sunlight. That's all it wants.

But it can't--

It couldn't kill Van Statten. It couldn't kill me. It's changing. What about you, Doctor? What the hell are you changing into?

So, it's 200,000, it's a spaceship—no, wait a minute—space station, and uh... go try that gate over there. Okay, off you go.

200,000? [The Doctor nods, and leans back against the wall as Adam exits the TARDIS]

Where are we?

Good question. Let's see. So, um, judging by the architecture, I'd say we're around the year [looks at the Doctor] Two hundred thousand? If you listen, engines. We're on some sort of space station. Yeah, definitely a space station. It's a bit warm in here. They could turn the heating down. Tell you what, let's try that gate. Come on.

[looking out over the Earth] That's...well, I'll let The Doctor explain, he does it better.

The Fourth Great and Bountiful Human Empire. And there it is: planet Earth at its height. Covered with megacities, five moons, population 96 billion. The hub of a galactic domain, stretching across a million planets, a million species. With mankind right in the middle. [Adam faints. The Doctor doesn't react, still looks out over the Earth] [deadpan] He's your boyfriend.

[deadpan] Not anymore.

It may interest you to know that this isn't actually the Fourth Great and Bountiful Human Empire. It's hardly human at all! It's a place where humans happen to live — [unseen creature protests] — sorry, are allowed to live, by kind permission of my client. [points upwards]

[caught off-guard] What is it?

You mean that thing's in charge of Satellite Five?

"That thing", as you put it, is in charge of the human race. For almost a hundred years, mankind has been guided and shaped. Its knowledge and ambition strictly controlled, through its broadcast news — edited by my superior, your master, and humanity's guiding light: The Mighty Jagrafess of the Holy Hadrojassic Maxarodenfoe! [grins] I call him Max.

Create a climate of fear, and it's easy to keep the borders closed. It's just a matter of emphasis. The right word in the right broadcast repeated often enough can destabilize an economy, invent an enemy, change a vote.

So all the people on Earth are, like... slaves?

Now there's an interesting point. Is a slave a slave, if he doesn't know he's enslaved?

Yes.

Aww, I was hoping for a philosophical debate. Is that all I'm gonna get, "yes"?

Yes.

[chuckles] You're no fun.

Let me out of these manacles and I'll show you how much fun I am.

[to Rose] Ooh, he's tough, isn't he?