Jack quotes from Doctor Who

Who has a sonic screwdriver?

I do!

Lights... [looks around]

Who looks at a screwdriver and thinks, "Ooh, this could be a little more sonic!"?

What, you've never been bored?

There's gotta be a light switch!

Never had a long night? Never had a lot of cabinets to put up?

[after he, Rose, Jack and The Doctor have just exited the TARDIS] That old lady's staring.

[to the Doctor] Probably wondering what four people were doing in a small box.

[disdainful look at Jack] What are you Captain of, the "Innuendo Squad"?

Just stand still and let the Defabricator work its magic.

What's a Defabricator?

Okay. Defabricator. Does exactly what it says on the tin. Am I naked in front of millions of viewers?

Absolutely!

Ladies, your viewing figures just went up!

You mind flirting outside?

I was just saying "hello"!

For you, that's flirting.

Exterminate! Exterminate!

Is that it? Useless! Nul points! [to Rose and Jack] It's all right, you can come out; that force-field can hold back anything.

Almost anything.

Yes, but I wasn't going to tell them that, thanks.

Sorry.

Do you know what they call me in the ancient legends of the Dalek Homeworld? The Oncoming Storm. You might've removed all your emotions but I reckon right down deep in your DNA, there's one little spark left, and that's fear. Doesn't it just burn when you face me? So tell me. How did you survive the Time War?

Dalek Emperor

They survived through me.

[shocked] Rose...Captain...This is the Emperor of the Daleks.

Dalek Emperor

You destroyed us, Doctor. The Dalek race died in your inferno, but my ship survived. Falling through time, crippled but alive.

I get it.

Do not interrupt!

Do not interrupt!

Do not interrupt!

I think you're forgetting something. I'm the Doctor, and If there's one thing I can do, it's talk! I've got five billion languages, and you haven't got one way of stopping me. So if anyone's gonna shut up, [turns around and angrily yells at the Daleks] IT'S YOU!

[cheerfully] Okie-doke! So, where were we?

[to Martha] Captain Jack Harkness... and who are you?

Martha Jones.

Nice to meet you, Martha Jones.

[Irritated] Oh, don't start!

I was only saying 'hello'!

[flattered] I don't mind.

But the thing is, why'd you leave him behind, Doctor?

[dismissively] I was busy.

Is that what happens though, seriously? You just get bored of us one day and disappear?

Not if you're blonde.

[sarcastically] Oh, she was blonde! Oh, what a surprise!

[spinning around, irritated] You two, we're at the end of the universe. Okay?! Right at the edge of knowledge itself! And you're busy... [struggling to find the right word] BLOGGING!

So, Doctor, tell us. Who is he? How come the ancient race of Time Lords created a psychopath?

Yeah, and what is he to you? Like a colleague or...?

He was a friend, at first...

I thought you were going to say he was your secret brother or something.

[pause] You've been watching too much TV.

But all the legends of Gallifrey made it sound so perfect.

Well, perfect to look at, maybe. And it was, it was beautiful. They used to call it the Shining World of the Seven Systems. And on the continent of Wild Endeavour, in the mountains of Solace and Solitude, there stood the Citadel of the Time Lords. The oldest and most mighty race in the universe. Looking down on the galaxies below, sworn never to interfere, only to watch. Children of Gallifrey were taken from their families at the age of eight, to enter the Academy. Some say that's where it all began, when he was a child. That's when the Master saw eternity. As a novice, he was taken for initiation. He stood in front of the Untempered Schism. It's a gap in the fabric of reality through which could be seen the whole of the vortex. We stand there, eight years old, staring at the raw power of Time and Space, just a child. Some would be inspired. Some would run away. And some would go mad. Oh, I dunno.

What about you?

Oh, the ones that ran away! I never stopped.

[grinning, seemingly ignorant.] Oh! I know what it's like. It's like when you fancy someone and they don't even know you exist. That's what it's like. [he runs off.] Come on!

You too, huh?

[worried] But I keep wondering...what about aging? 'Cause, I can't die, but I keep getting older...The odd little grey hair, you know? What happens if I live for a million years?

[amused] I really don't know.

[laughs] Okay, vanity, sorry. Yeah, can't help it. Used to be a poster boy when I was a kid, living on the Boeshane Peninsula. Tiny little place. I was the first one ever to be signed up for the Time Agency. They were so proud of me...The Face of Boe, they called me. [The Doctor and Martha look at him in shock]

I'm receiving a communication from the Earth-bound ships. They have a message for the human race.

Sarah Jane Smith

Put it through. Let's hear it.

Exterminate! Exterminate! Exterminate!

No. Ohhh, no!

What is it? Who are they? Do you know them, Jack?!

Sarah Jane Smith

[whispers] No...

[clutching Ianto and Gwen to him and kissing them on the forehead] There's nothing I can do. I'm sorry, we're dead.

Sarah Jane Smith

[crying] No, not them. You're so young! [hugs Luke]

Here we go! Good luck, Doctor!

[hysterical] Will someone please tell me what is going on?!

When he's dying, his body... it repairs itself, it changes... but you can't!

I'm sorry, it's too late! I'm regenerating! [his head snaps back as the regeneration energy blasts out of his arms and head]